How to Improve Your Chances of IVF Success 🦩 Podcast Discovery Call

podcast Mar 25, 2022

How to Improve Your Chances of IVF Success πŸ¦© Podcast Discovery Call 

On the first Podcast Discovery Call, I'm diving into how you can take the time to improve our health to increase your chances of IVF success!⁣
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I'm diving into why IVF might not work and why it's important to get down to the root cause of what's going on instead of just jumping back into IVF treatment, after IVF treatment,  after IVF treatment.⁣
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My heart honestly breaks for women who are guided down this path without actually getting to the root cause of what's going on. ⁣
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The norm of just trying IVF until it works needs to stop! It's heartbreaking, expensive and physically and mentally exhausting. β£
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We'll talk about what areas the doctors might be missing and How to Improve Your Chances of IVF Success!⁣
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You don't want to miss this episode of the Finding Fertility Podcast! ⁣

Listen here: How to Improve Your Chances of IVF Success πŸ¦© Podcast Discovery Call 

If you want to participate in a Podcast Discovery Call sign up to the email list to be first in line when doors open again. These discovery calls are FREE as a thank you for sharing your story with the community.

Sign up here & get your free 3 Step guide:3 Steps to Maximise Your Fertility That Your Doctor Isn't Talking About https://www.findingfertility.co/top3stepsyourdocisnttalkingabout

Don't want to wait or need more privacy you can book a paid Discovery Call here: https://calendly.com/findingfertility/discoveryconsultation

Full transcript:

0:01
Hello beautiful and welcome to finding fertility. I'm your host, Monica Cox from finding fertility.co And I created this podcast to help get you to start thinking outside of the box and realise that your infertility might have nothing to do with your lady bits rooted in functional medicine and personal experience. Finding fertility is all about looking at the whole body and finding the root cause of your infertility. Finding fertility does not diagnose, prescribe or treat any issues of infertility. But what we do is take a holistic approach and improve your diet and your lifestyle to get you steps closer to creating your dream family. Just by being here with me listening to this podcast, you're already going down the right path to making your dreams come true. Let's do this together. Happy Friday, all welcome back to another episode of finding fertility. I'm your host, Monica Cox. And today we have a podcast discovery call. Now what this means and what this is, is a little insight into what I do for prospective clients that want to get to know me a little bit more and how I help them discover the root cause of their fertility issues. So thank you, for those in the community that wanted to come on and share their story and get a little insight into their own journey. There's more information down in the show notes how you can be a part of this. So without further ado, here's today's special guest. Well, thank you so much for volunteering for this, it's actually something that I've been wanting to do for a really long time, it's like one of my favourite things to do, just to really help people like shine a light where lights aren't being shown. So I hope by the end of this, that you'll have some direction where to go and make better informed decisions about your journey. I had a look over your form that you sent. That is one of the forms that I use within the formula and with my one on one clients. But there's many more like we dive like into lots of areas that you've probably never even been asked about. And that's where we like fine things. Right. So um, just tell me a little bit and our audience a little bit about your your fertility journey.

 2:36
Yep. So it's been about two years, I would say. And I got engaged to my husband and my now husband, and like, I knew I was over 35. So I wanted to, you know, make sure that we were prepared if there were any issues, I didn't know if there would be of course, and so went to a fertility clinic got like the baseline test done, and everything was fine. Like everything was in normal range, so I didn't feel too concerned. So I was like, All right, still fine. So started trying even before the wedding, we had a good pandemic wedding. So that was fun. And in 2020, rescheduled several times a little stressful. And so things you know, things didn't happen. It had been about eight months, we were trying naturally and you know, taking the normal supplements and things people recommend it. So we moved into IVF they suggest it just go into IVF you're 37 it's the best route if you want to have more than one kid. So I said okay, you know, very uninformed, right, like just went into it. Thought it was gonna work. Honestly, I get it, I get it. That'd be good. So I did the round of IVF you know, decent egg retrieval fertilisation. And then I remember they just caught on day five, and we're like, We're sorry, you didn't make any blastocyst. So I was like in shock. I was like, why how is that possible? So they were like, well, you know, every month is different, just tried again. Which again, should have question that a bit more. So tried it again, the next month, same outcome. And I ended up changing clinics after my third round of the same outcome. And my new doctor has been like wonderful in terms of like changing my protocol and trying different things, but every outcome is exactly the same. So I've also changed things in my lifestyle. And like we we get a good amount of eggs and they fertilise I think we're at probably 45 Eggs fertilised over the six cycles, and just not one has made it to blastocyst which seems impossible to me but that's I am so

5:01
yeah, I'm not gonna lie, my jaw dropped on the floor, when you said six rounds in two years. I want to let everyone know, I just got the goose bumps that if you haven't done a round of IVF, it's, I would say one of the most impactful things on your body. It's it's just hard. Mentally, physically. Everyone's reactions are different on the drugs. But I would safely say that every woman feels like they're carrying great fruits in their Netherlands when you're stimming. And obviously, that's just not a normal thing for us to do. And the recovery time, isn't ever talked about with clinics. And I honestly just think they maybe have never thought of it. Yeah, there's obviously no research. But your body just gets pumped full of so many drugs. And it definitely needs a decent amount of time to detox. And when we're doing back to back IVF, your body's just never getting that time. Yeah. And so when we are dealing with an underlying root cause, and we're continuing on with medical treatment, our body just doesn't have the time. It just doesn't have the time to like catch up. And it really, really breaks my heart that this is the advice that many women are getting, like do not feel alone that like you were the only one to go through this. And you won't be the last right. You're not the first and you're not the last. But yeah, clinics needs to be aware to like, slow down. But because of your age, yeah. You get tricked into believing. Well, I don't have any time. So I have to keep going. Right? Is that how you felt?

7:19
Yes, that is exactly how I felt. And I took I mean, I took like three months off twice in the middle, which I know is not a lot of time. But I do I just keep thinking now. You know, I'm 39. So this has been, I still have nothing. So it's been really challenging, just, you know, trying to figure out what to do next, honestly. And like what, what, what I should be doing next?

7:46
Yeah. And you have thyroid issues, right?

7:51
So I never did before.

7:55
Now I do so

7:58
I should take thyroid medication, because they said my levels were high enough or low enough. Whatever the thing I checked off was that if I was trying to conceive, I should take the thyroid medication. If I wasn't, I wouldn't have

8:14
to take it. Yeah, so I would assume it's your TSH that they were talking about. And you usually like to see it between point five and point two, maybe, or sorry, point five to two, maybe 2.5 being the highest. So if you're out of that range, what the doctors are saying is like, we'll just hear some medication to lower that. So that's gonna help with your fertility.

8:43
Yeah, it was a little Bob, I believe is what they told me. So

8:48
yeah, yeah. And I would highly suspect that they didn't run a full thyroid panel to see antibodies. Do you know your antibodies?

8:58
No, they just gave me that one number and then I did inquire like a year later, should I still be taking this and they ran the test again and said, Well, now it's normal. So keep taking it.

9:08
Okay. Sometimes I laugh as like a nervous like reaction and like anger reaction, right? I'm not laughing at doctors. I'm not laughing at patients and not laughing at like anyone. But it's sad. It's like really devastating that the basics just aren't there for health. So what? What likely happened is that you were probably dealing with unknown issues and a lot of your common but normal health issues maybe would have been little warning signs, but we don't add those up to fertility. And so with the stress that just the pure stress of fertility issues rounds of IVF. It just kind of kept pushing you off the ledge. And so it's highly likely that your thyroid wasn't functioning correctly before by one, they're not looking at the whole picture with the thyroid into their markers are so big, because we're taking in a sicker and sicker population. So the normal ranges keep going like this. Because if everyone was sat in normal ranges like this there, there would be an epidemic, right? There is an epidemic, but they're like, well, I'll just push it. Well, everyone seems to be this. So that just should be normal. And it's not.

10:45
And it's hard, because you don't even know what to ask back. Like, I don't know, I rely on the medical professionals to advise me correctly. And obviously, I do research, but it is a little daunting, or very daunting at times, I

11:00
should say. Yeah, massively. And like I had no training in biology, or like, you know, women's health or thyroid or gut or fertility. I mean, I barely knew what ovulation was. And it is when you start studying it yourself. You still have that like FOMO in the office, right? Like, Well, you're the doctor, like, what do I know? And I want to be able to empower women to feel a lot more confident when they're in the doctor's office to go, No, that's not normal. And if you're not going to help me with it, then I'll just go find someone else if you're able to. I know a lot of people are stuck with insurance and things like that. So what would you say, leading up before you started trying to conceive? What would be your top three health complaints?

11:54
I think I always have had a problem sleeping my entire life. So in insomnia, most likely driven by anxiety. So I'm just anxious person like, somewhat of a perfectionist but anxious worrier about things always like heart racing, that kind of thing. So those would be my top two, just my whole life. And then I would also say just wait in general, like maintenance, I was overweight, younger. This whole fertility thing I've gained 30 pounds, which has not been fun. So that has also been a challenge and a stressor stressor.

12:34
Yeah, massively, um, well, with So wait, for me, is just another symptom of inflammation. And it's most obvious, right, other than skin issues. And so instead of society going, like, oh, what's going on there? Like, let's get to the root cause of why you're overweight, you're just like, Oh, you're, you're fat, and you're lazy, which is untrue. And anyone who has ever dieted or work their ass off in the gym, and still not losing weight, can attest to that, right. So what's happening with weight is that there's inflammation going on, it's just the way your body's expressing that inflammation. Like I was the complete opposite, I couldn't put on weight. And because I wasn't overweight, or I didn't have skin issues, or anything else, they're like you're normal. And so sometimes, like you do just want to have a symptom that someone could physically see. Right. So with that, that's the inflammation with the anxiety and the worry being type a an overachiever? A lot of these, the root cause of those stem from childhood issues. And we won't get into that that's not what this is about. When I work with clients one to one or even the group coaching if they want to talk about more of that. That's somewhere we go, because it can answer a lot of our why's. Right. And there's like I do a part where people dig into past traumas, and I talk about how traumas don't have to be sexual abuse. They don't have to be physical abuse or even like really bad verbal abuse, but being teased on the playground, because of your way as a kid, maybe, you know, I've had a client where their mother basically was like, you need to lose weight all the time through their whole childhood, right? We're never amounted up to what their mother wanted them to be or what their sister was or what their brother was. So a lot of these traumas in our childhood can just literally store in our body and then they they physically manifest as disease and then we carry them through Our whole lives, right. And then on top of that, we might use alcohol or drugs or food or extreme, you know, binge watching TV or the things that really just contribute even more to what's going on. And so it's like this big snowball effect.

15:20
Yeah, I totally agree with that.

15:23
And so because you're a functioning, beautiful woman, no one looks at you and goes, you're sick. Right? Right, you're getting up every day, you're going to work, you're getting through it. And we just push down any of the anxiety, any of the emotional stress any of our normal issues that we can just get through the day with right or maybe use medication, like an Advil or, you know, like an over the counter medication, or even thyroid medication? We'll hear we'll just get the use this to get you through it. And what's happening is, our bodies just don't have time to heal. So they're just in recovery mode all the time, which is exhausting. Yeah. And as you probably can now feel it's just worse and worse and worse. Yes, yeah. Right.

16:16
Yeah. That's for sure. After Yeah.

16:21
Yeah. And it's crazy that we're led to believe it will magically just go away unless we do it, you know, just keep doing the same thing. It's insanity. Right? Yeah. And then on top of that, with asleep, your hormones, because of the lifetime of being anxious in flight or fight or flight mode, flight or fight say that correctly? Your hormones are just completely out of whack. And yeah, it's just that just adds up to sleep issues. So and unfortunately, your sleep is the time where you detox and recover. So it's just this awful cycle of never even like, passing go, right? Yeah, yeah. So it's all it's all connected? And what are the kind of top things you feel like you've done to help improve your situation and maybe feel like it's worked, or you feel like it hasn't worked?

17:29
I mean, I've tried meditation for my anxiety. So I've definitely done that. That that has helped, I have done numerous things to try to help me sleep, I've taken lots of medication, I switched to just like melatonin now. And a noise machine. It does kind of help I, I sometimes I think I like hear things in the house. This is, you know, this is why I'm not sleeping, but the sound machine drowns that out. So, so, I mean, those are the basic things. And then just from like, a health perspective, obviously, I have tried to change my diet over the years, because I will admit, like, I am like also a anxious eater of like binge eating things, like just eat all of the things. So I've tried to control that over the years better, like introduce healthier things, but I do tend to go back to that bad habit when things are stressed or more anxious. So like you said, vicious cycle basically.

18:28
Yeah, and it's hard to stick to those new commitments, especially if we try to take on too much. You know, like I obviously talk a lot about the autoimmune paleo diet. But I always advise people do not even try it until you're confident that you've eliminated like, just like the basics in the gluten, the dairy, a sugar addiction. And soy soy, he's kind of the easier one for most people. But um, you know, the, the dairy and the gluten, and sugar are like, sometimes like 70 to 80% of our meals. So if you can't tackle like one or two or three of those first, you are going to get so overwhelmed moving forward with an even more restrictive diet. So it's really about starting where you're at. And this is where the mental and emotional side comes into it. And it's so important is if you aren't hyper aware of your triggers and what's going on, you're gonna fall back into those routines so easily. So it's this vicious cycle. And I know I had to ask myself, especially with alcohol, not that I was like, an alcoholic with vodka under my bed, but like, I like a good drink, and I still do and, but I had to get really real with myself. Like, why am I putting this as a like this over the future of my family, because I now know, it's not healthy for me, I found out that I had an autoimmune issue I read that even one drink of alcohol can be detrimental to my gut health. And my gut health was the root cause of my infertility. And it was just like, Why? Why can't I just walk away? Even if it's just for six months or even a year? I could go back to it. Yeah. But you, that's where looking at your past and, and diving into that, and getting real with yourself. And shifting up your, your mental thinking of like, okay, what's more important right now? A glass of wine, a cupcake, a bag of chips for my future family? Yeah. And sometimes it was a glass of wine, I'm not gonna lie. But it became less and less and less like that. And I always just say it's consistency, right? The more you do an action, the easier it becomes. And if you're able to be perfect, for a short amount of time, even better, but you don't have to

21:19
be. Yeah, yeah. It's so true. I think it's challenging to like, I've tried to change things, but my husband is not always on board with that. So that is always a hard piece to that part when I, over the last few years have tried to, you know, follow different different diets and buy organic food and all of those things. And he's fine Burger King still. So you know, okay.

 21:45
Do you feel that it's on both sides, the embryo quality? Has your husband been told that he's fine? He's been told he's fine. Yeah. I think that's like the worst thing, because my husband was told the same thing. And so he didn't feel like he, there was room for improvements. And I know that every woman can do this. And you have to find the own balance with your husband. But after about a month of me, really changing my diet, basically being on paleo. I didn't discover autoimmune. Yeah, but it was hard enough, like just going paleo. He wasn't doing it. And I just had the heart conversation with him. I said, I'm the one who has to go through IVF. I'm the one who takes the brunt of everything. And I'm willing to do that for our family. But I need your support. And if you can't support me in these little things, at least in our household, and try to be better when you're out. And about, then I can't have a kid with you. Yeah, right. It's too hard. And it was a heated conversation. He didn't just like roll over and take it. And I do have to admit, I did 99% of the work. I was the one waking up early and cooking the breakfast and making the lunches and making the dinners. And I was still working a 40 hour work week. On top of all of this, so obviously, the stress levels weren't great. But I did and I remember one day sitting with him. And he goes, Man, we really got this down, don't we? And I was like, Yeah, I fucking do. Pretty good, aren't I? So

23:39
wait, I think if I did all of that he probably would be on board. I think I agree with you. Because he's been so supportive and like, has done a lot of things. And so it's just maybe if I got better control of it, like you said, and then brought him in, he would he would be on board at least in the house. Yeah. Yeah, approach it.

24:01
And for him, I mean, I know my husband got his sperm retested, because we were you know, it took us a while to figure everything out and just by the little improvements that he made not drinking at home so he would just drink when he was with the boys and eating the meals at home and if he travelled and he just ate whatever you want his sperm still improved by the millions.

24:25
So I honestly am so interested in that because we didn't do like the fragmentation testing either. And I'm very like what that would say so yeah, asked numerous times but they keep saying it's not necessary. So

24:39
okay, my advice for that is tell them it's my money. And I demand it because that if you don't know my story, that was my big thing. I went to a clinic specifically to be tested for autoimmune issues and they told me I wasn't a candidate because I wasn't having reoccurring miscarriages and it was my it was my That was my answer. So if that's like the biggest thing, I know it's hard, but if you can start tuning into your intuition, and really sit with what is your path and just demand the things, I think it's crazy that doctors are like, No, you're not candidate, it's our money, like, let us get it.

25:25
Like, I just want to know everything. And it's very frustrating that after all of this, like, I still know nothing like they just say you have poor quality, which is appalling to me still at this stage. So

25:39
yeah, and as we know, the science is proving is that it's down to your cellular health, not your age. And so once you discover how you can improve your gut health, I would say and lower takeaway as much as you can have the inflammation through the right diet through reducing your stress levels by a, you know, really tapping into those old traumas of why you can't commit to diets. Giving your body time to heal after two years of medical treatment is going to be a big one for you. And I, I've had a lot of older clients, and one of the things that we do is we do this worksheet, it's free to download you just Google judge, Your neighbour worksheet, I have them like hung up here. And you do it with your age. It's all about like, getting down to what, what the situation is, is it true, right? So my age is causing my infertility, and then you work through these steps. And just like actually, no, my age is not causing shit, it's just the number. But it's really hard, because society has literally conditioned us to base a lot of our life around our age and what we can and cannot do. But if you can really tap into dramatically lowering that inflammation, your cellular health can go up. Now I am going to be really transparent. And I have had an elder client 42. And literally, she has done every single thing that you can possibly do on a holistic level. And she waited to do IVF after after she's done everything, and she still didn't get viable embryos. Yeah. And this is where the digging and the testing for genetics comes from she was told not to do some testing. I said, if your intuition is telling you you do that testing, and I don't care if you're not a candidate for it, and some more genetic testing, just to see if if there is an issue, that can't be fixed, right? Because there is that possibility. Absolutely. But at least you can walk away with that knowledge. Agreed. And you can really shift your perspective and move your life in a different way. Other than thinking, what if? What if What could I have done?

28:17
Yeah, there's a lot of that right now. So I agree. I think it's so I know, personally, I have to get better at like, not just asking, but say demanding. And like I like what you said is my money. I actually when I called this week, I asked them about the test. And the nurse was like it's $300. And I was like that, that minus will be 50 cents at this point. I mean,

28:48
so true. Yeah. Especially if you're paying for IBS, man, like, I'm not cheap. Oh, exactly. And yeah, I just think they're, you know, for a lot of women, there could just be some standard things that they can do. And if IVF isn't working, Okay, where can you dig a little bit deeper before trying another round? And if that round doesn't work, like that was my story. Like I always dug a little bit deeper, every failed thing. And if you look at my journey, you can kind of go well, you were failing, but in reverse. I was actually winning because I was I got healthier embryos. I got pregnant, I had a baby. But there was there was no guarantees. And that was the last frozen embryo transfer. I had everything I had the diet, I had immune suppressant drugs, I had healthy embryos I had to and I still had a miscarriage so it's the more you work on your mental and emotional health, the better you're able to gracefully go through this journey. And then the more knowledge you have about overall health and wellness That's when I feel like journeys getting get shorter. So I know a lot of women feel like three to six months, you want me to wait three to six months, I know. And I'm like, yes. But it can maximise your chances, and really shorten your journey. And especially if you're dealing like with reoccurring miscarriages or continuing, you know, failed IVF, you know, that puts you back, it puts you back months in your journey, where if you just kind of re direct your goals to all the small, achievable ones. For most people, it trickles down into your fertility health, because your fertility health is the first thing that's going to get switched off. And the second and the last thing to come back on. Because your your body wants to be in a state of thriving to welcome, welcome your baby. And especially if you're dealing with thyroid issues, this is probably what pisses me off the most about doctors completely ignoring thyroid issues, or just you know, putting them people on the pill is that your chances of having complications during your pregnancy are much higher. And I see a lot of women really struggle with birth and postpartum. And if you choose to breastfeed, so like have issues to breastfeed, because these are all super demanding things on the body. And your body is just gonna be like, I gotta survive. I'm just literally keeping you alive. So everything else you need me to do, like I'm not going to be able to do at the moment. And so it's not just important for getting pregnant. It's really important, I would say even more important for long term health during pregnancy and prenatal. Yeah, it just doesn't get talked about right. People are like, just have a baby. And like, it's not like, it's it's much more complicated. Yeah.

32:08
That is, I learned that that's for sure.

32:13
Is there any other kind of questions that you had on your mind?

32:20
I mean, I this was, like, extremely helpful for me just to chat through it, honestly. I think in terms of like, advocating, or like, I know, you talked about different types of tests, like women should have, like, are there things that come to mind to you that like, you think people don't get today that are missed? I know, you mentioned the autoimmune thing. But,

32:41
um, so I would say, a full thyroid panel to see what your antibodies are doing and see what your holes I was doing. And I always say, when I run that test for clients, you got to remember, it's a snapshot in time. So people are like, Oh, my God, my results are worse than they were. It's like, well, how were you the days leading up to the result, because it's all dependent on your stress levels. For a lot of people, sometimes it's focused in the gut, sometimes it's both. So really looking at diet and using those as a tool. I personally think everyone should run a gut health test and see what their gut health is like, because that's the core of what's going on in your body, right? Your gut handles everything you put in side of it. So obviously, finding your inflammatory foods is very, very powerful. So so like a food sensitivity test, if you don't want to do elimination diet, which can be really time consuming a gut health test, a full thyroid panel, and then you can start looking into like all your minerals, all your levels on that and to see where you're deficient in. Because those play a huge part. And for most women, that can be a huge leap for them. They can really dramatically increase their their fertility health is really when you're doing all the right things, and you're still not seeing results, especially failed IVF when you have the proof that okay, I have not improved your cellular health. That's when I would go into more in depth genetic testing. I mean, I'm sure most people know that the MTHFR that's, I think, a common test that people are now getting tested for anyways, but there's just so much more than that. But it's simple, yet. It's like piecing it all together. So it was really funny when I was designing my course. I was like, God, there's a lot of information like No wonder it took me like years to figure this out on my own. And why so many people struggle because they feel like They have to do it all at once. Right. And it's just not how it is. And I think it's almost damaging, because I think there's like 90% of people who are type A, in the fertility zone. So they're like, I can do this, I can tackle everything all at once. And it will be amazing. And I'll get pregnant in two months. And the reality is, it's just too stressful. Especially

35:26
if you have a life.

35:29
Right? You got to maintain your life and your job and your relationship with your husband. And if you're dealing with secondary infertility, it's even harder. But it's just little by little and, and definitely not getting hung up on diagnosis, and test results, because they are a snapshot in time, and they're not set in stone.

35:56
Yeah, that's a good, yeah. And I am the person that tries to do everything at once. Like, fix it, like I sort of fix it immediately take every test and then move on. And I know that it's not how things get better.

36:09
So yeah, and I mean, it's just the three months is minimum, because of the eight quality. So a lot of your symptoms, your normal health issues will actually dramatically different disappear once you lower your inflammation. But just because it takes three months for an egg to mature. That's just where the three months comes from. If you're dealing with a lot more deeper root cause issues, like you need a minimum of six months just to have that three months to detox, and like heal and regenerate, and then your body can start giving the things it needs to the fertility aspect of it. So that's why that's why we say those timeframes, but yeah, it's it is, it is doable, although it's doable. It's just not as easy as people think.

37:03
Yeah, yeah. Yeah. That was my main my main question I wrote down,

37:09
so yeah, well, anything else? You've got me here? So if there's any, anything outline that you think?

37:17
I mean, I guess just like getting started with all of these things, how, like, even sometimes that's overwhelming to like, frame it out for three months, like, how do you recommend just getting started?

37:31
Yeah. Okay. So basically, how my courses laid out and what I do with my one to one clients, is that you start usually with your diet, because it's tangible, right? And so we walk through of like, where you are, what can you commit to right now, if the only thing you can commit to is gluten, I'm not going to eat gluten. That's where you start. And you set yourself a challenge for 30 days, just to be very consistent with that, right? Like, okay, if you have one day that you mess up, it's not going to ruin your chances. And so you just start where you're at, like, what can I commit to? And during that time, while you're doing your 30 day challenge, you just start bringing in the other things, you start looking at your bed routine, you start looking at your morning routine, you start playing around, do I like journaling? Do I like yoga? Do I like meditation? Some people can't sit and meditate. So where's a movement meditation, just going for walks. I know consuming knowledge about a certain aspect that you're interested in, whether it be diet, gut health, spiritual journey, you know, all that stuff is, you know, read it, listen to audiobooks, listen to podcasts. So you're not necessarily doing the things, but you feel empowered about doing the things. And then you start doing the things. Right. And just giving things a go. I mean, it's just about finding what works for you and not getting hung up. Like, oh, like I hated yoga for like the first year like it sucked. It was like my mind was racing, like I couldn't, I couldn't do it. And eventually, I worked on because your, your brain is a muscle, right? And you have to consistently work on it's just like exercising, you're not going to sit down and be a Buddhist monk the first time you do it. So it's really just like continuing going going in exploring different places and practices. And eventually you find something that just just resonates with you and so you get excited about doing that. So it's really just first doing the tangible things, setting goals that are achievable for you and focusing those goals so IV like, maybe rating your anxiety levels like what was I at today? Did I improve today? Did I not over ruminate like for most people, or a lot of people would be like gut health or skin issues or hair loss. Periods are a big one, like looking at your periods. Are they getting healthier? Do you have less cramping? Do you have less? Breast soreness, like all those things are your moods not all over the place? Like those are all huge wins. And those are what your body, your body's way of saying this is working. So it's shifting your focus away from pregnancy testing and a positive pregnancy test. Because if you if you base it on that you're going to feel like you're failing and what you're doing isn't working. Yeah. But as you probably know, it's a consistency and it's a slow recovery. And then, once you have you feel confident in your diet, you feel confident in some of the lifestyle factors you may like, obviously, we talked about reducing the toxins and all that, like, you know, those are kind of basic trying to get Steve stuff, right. Like most people have that. Yeah.

41:17
No, no plastic in my house, right? All paints in my shampoo anymore.

41:26
Then we talk about how to maximise, right? Because there's no point of maximising your fertility, if you're still having high inflammation is basically you're just gonna, if you're using supplementation, you're going to have expensive P. And yeah, it's just It doesn't work that way. So we start going into more in depth about if you have thyroid issues, if you have gut health issues, and really tackling that, the good news is, is that most of the things that you're doing is already improving all those areas, right. So it's just really maybe targeting and if you do need targeted supplementation, if you do need to get real with yourself and seek out professional health, help to for trauma, or hire a coach to help with emotional freedom tapping or like, just really start getting into those release mechanisms. And then, you know, we just talk about time, right, just giving your body time and re redirecting, like, instead of saying, I'm old, I don't have time. Just be like, I've got all the time in the world. It's 2022, it's not 1840 When I'm going to I would be dead by now. Like, that's just not how life is anymore. And give yourself time that if you are going into another IVF soon, because I think you said you might be

43:00
baby. Hi. I don't know what I'm doing. But yeah, I It's been suggested to use donor eggs as well. So leaving that, but I haven't decided yet. So

43:12
yeah, it's giving yourself time before any medical treatment, even donor aches. And just gout really focus in and, you know, like we get, I mean, there's a lot to cover, as you know, but even into the woowoo side of things, right. visualisation of being pregnant of your baby being there, of saying things like when I get pregnant, not if I get pregnant, and just really dissecting like how we've been thinking and feeling about our body during all these failed treatments. Because I think that really contributes to just not being able to do the physical things that we want to do to improve our situation. Like if we subconsciously believe that it's not gonna work, or it hasn't worked. So why is it going to work now? Then your subconscious mind is like, okay, it's not gonna work. So therefore, you don't need to eat that diet. You don't need to do that mindset. Yeah, you know. So just start where you're at. And just continue adding on little things. And just, you know, like, if you do want to do the functional testing, you just seek out someone that has that knowledge. I don't know if your clinic does anything like that. But yeah, some people need to see the test results. And some people are just like, I'll just do what you say like because at the end of the day, test results can like pinpoint a few things like especially like if you're having gut issues, that's when I'm like, look at your gut health for all those hidden things. Like if you have SIBO if you have bugs, parasites, if you're not then it's kind of like Give this a good amount of time and see how you're physically feeling. And if you're physically feeling so much better, then you're probably most likely on the right track. But I never talk anyone out of testing because obviously that happened to me. And yeah, you know, it cost me a lot of money, a lot of time and a lot of heartache. So it's your money, you can spend your money on whatever testing you want.

 45:26
If it tells me something informative, it's not a waste of money to me, but when I don't enjoy it.

45:32
I know. But I always say you got to reframe that way of thinking because a leash you've taken that off the list. True. That's right. Yeah. So I don't really ever feel like there's nothing there. It's just like, okay, not my problem going in a different direction. I cuz I know, I know how frustrating is, I mean, it was almost five years that I had every test result come back. Okay. Other than the failed IVF, which was like a big warning sign. Yeah. Yeah, it's

46:03
perfect. Your blood work looks great. Your uterus is beautiful. Like, I'm like, if I hear that one more time. All right. Cool. That's great. But still sitting here. So? I don't know.

46:16
Yeah, yeah. So and the thing with medical assistants is that it doesn't do anything for your eight quality, your egg and sperm quality, right. That's all the pre work that you have to do. So I think we're falsely led to believe that IVF will be the magic fix. But it literally puts egg and sperm together. And that's all it can do. Like, yes, I know that you use drugs to assist with the first few weeks of pregnancy. But for most people, you're off those drugs within a few weeks. So it's still down to your body to be able to do that process. Yeah. So I think it's a great assistance for people who truly need it. And I think it's even great if you are a little bit older and want to have, like, you know, a collects a shitload of aids at one time, right? Like I get it. But to set yourself up for it. Health and wellness wise, is the missing piece.

47:31
I agree. Yeah, I wish, I wish anyone would say that, like, wait four months and do all these things first. I mean, they tell you to take all the vitamins, of course, which I've done, like, but yeah, yeah, I don't know how much coke utan I can take.

47:51
And the thing is, is that it's highly likely you just have too much inflammation going on for that stuff to even do anything, do anything? Yeah. And that's the bummer thing about supplements and people, you know, get very rich off of those supplements, and they are great for support, and advancing the needle for us. Right? Like, luckily, we can have that this day and age, but it's not our answer. And I know I spent many, many years and many, many, many, many, many amounts of money on it. But yeah, it's, it's, it's frustrating. But that's what I'm here for. That's what I'm trying to educate people on. And I think that you're ready to commit to a few things that you know, will improve your situation. And I think you have the knowledge now to make better informed choices of where you want to go with your medical treatment, and see what and just remember that age is just a number. And if you were like 50 I'd be concerned. And what my elder clients, she's 42 she, you know, I mean, the clinic's really freaking her out, right? You're 42 You better get on it. I'm like, fuck it. You're already 40 Yeah, you're already there. Like, it's not going to dramatically change six months to a year from now, like 10 years. Okay, like, yeah, I get the clinic not wanting you to wait 10 years, but I don't understand what the big deal is. With six months to a year even. Yeah. So it's like reframing yourself. Re redoing it.

49:41
I think it's hard just like thinking about age in general, like and having children. It's not rushing to get pregnant. It's like more being a parent quicker. You know, like, I think that's how I think about it. So that's the challenging part for me. But I completely understand what you're saying like I do Do think doing all these things over and over again? Like, obviously it's the same outcome. So, yeah, not the answer.

50:09
Yeah. I'm an older mom, too. I mean, I'll be in my 50s When my my kids are just getting into high school. It's up. And yeah, it's always on your mind because I thought I'd be pregnant at 27. And yeah, you know, but I guess what kind of got me through that whole kind of age thing was one I had time to deal with my shit. So that made me a better mom. Yeah. And to now I know how to keep my body as healthy as I possibly can. And sometimes I do, and sometimes I don't. But it's gonna help me just not feel 50 Yeah, not feel 60. Right. I just, that's just how it's gonna be. So I think all the knowledge that you gain while going through this kind of negates that vision of what 50 year old moms look like, right. And I actually have a friend who's my mom's age, my mom had kids very, very young, but a friend at 47 have her baby. And you know, she's 60 and her kids not in high school yet. And she's out playing tennis and I you know, like, like, you wouldn't think I mean, she's got a few wrinkles. But other than that she is very fit and active and travels and skis and does all those things. So I think for our generation, we think of our grandmas who were a little bit overweight, didn't really do much. They weren't sporty, you know, like the typical kind of like, both my grandmas are southwest. Our nose, sorry, northwest, or East ones from Wisconsin. But yeah, we got to redefine what motherhood is going to be. Yeah. And it could be whatever you want. Yeah,

52:11
that's very true. Yeah. My grandma was like, 55. And I thought she was 95.

52:18
It's the hair. Like, proven it. It was a hairstyles that made them all look super old. Exactly. Well, I'm so excited that you came on, and we got to have this chat. I really think mind sharing and getting a fresh perspective on your journey can just really radically change things for people and I'm, I'm super excited for you.

52:42
Yeah, thank you so much. Thank you for your time, all your insight was a wonderful experience. So I appreciate it. Yeah, my

52:48
pleasure. Well, you know where I'm at, I'm hanging out a lot of tick tock, making fool of myself over there. So and yet you got the podcast and the email. So just keep in touch and let us know how you get on. Awesome.

53:02
Thank you. All right.

53:03
Thank you so much. Bye. Yeah. Bye. Thank you once again for tuning in to the finding fertility podcast. If you're loving this podcast, please leave us a rating in review and let us know how this podcast is supporting you to get steps closer to creating your dream family. I hope you have a beautiful weekend and we will see you next Friday for another episode of the finding fertility podcast.

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Monica

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Anything written or said about health and diet are my opinions, that I have formed over the years, through trial and error, study, reading, listening and observing. What worked for me may not work for you. I am not a doctor, nutritionist or dietician and all medical advice should be gotten from a qualified professional. Product recommendations are based on what I used during my infertility journey or wish I had.

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