“Religion didn’t give the room to question things.”
In today’s episode, we are talking about everything your mom told you not to talk about. Sex, money and religion are those taboo topics that we are always taught to not bring up, but when it comes to navigating the infertility journey you have to dive into each of these three topics. They are all interconnected and have to be addressed.
“What feels true to me?”
When we are on our infertility journey we can begin to question our religion. Beliefs and things we were raised believing can become very confusing when compared to what we are going through. Does religion have an impact on fertility? Because of this we can begin to question our faith and beliefs, and often the religious space doesn’t allow us to ask the difficult questions, but it is a necessity to do so in order to discover our truth.
“There are things in this world completely out of your control."
Connect with Devon Baeza: https://www.devonbaeza.com/
Listen here: Sex, Money, Religion & Infertility | Devon Baeza
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Thank you for joining me for another episode of the finding fertility podcast. I want to remind you that every Tuesday I re launch one of my favourite episodes that we've done in the past. So if you hear any funny dates, offers or even the podcasts being called the infertile diagnosis, this is why I hope you forgive me for this and enjoy the amazing content we're putting out here on the podcast. And whenever you're ready for more guided support, make sure you go over to the website and check out the fertility formula. This is where I take you through the six vital steps you need to overcome your fertility issues. The formula is an exclusive 10 week online programme packed full of everything I did to get pregnant naturally, using science backed functional medicine, you'll discover the method I take with my one to one clients without the high price tag. start boosting your fertility naturally by maximising all areas of your health today, the monthly membership includes special access to me your fertility health coach, so check it out over at the website, www dot fining fertility.co backslash fertility formula. Hello beautiful and welcome to finding fertility. I'm your host Monica Cox from finding fertility.co And I created this podcast to help get you to start thinking outside of the box and realise that your infertility might have nothing to do with your lady bits rooted in functional medicine and personal experience. Finding fertility is all about looking at the whole body and finding the root cause of your infertility. Finding fertility does not diagnose, prescribe or treat any issues of infertility. But what we do is take a holistic approach and improve your diet and your lifestyle to get you steps closer to creating your dream family. Just by being here with me listening to this podcast. You're already going down the right path to making your dreams come true. Let's do this together. Happy Friday all welcome back to another episode of finding fertility. We have Devin Aiza on the fertility finance coach. I'm super excited to have her on to talk about all things taboo. I want to let you guys know that the fertility food 30 Day programme is live. If you see me talk about it over on i g it is finally here. And it is amazing if I do say so myself. Now the 30 day reset challenge is something I have done with every single client and is a big part of the fertility formula. But I really wanted to give everyone who wanted the opportunity to gain access to finding the perfect fertility diet for them. If you're still struggling to find the perfect diet for you. I highly recommend you go over to the website finding fertility.co backslash fertility food and check it out there on the email list. Keep an eye out for a special promotion code that is going to come out later in October. And if you're not on the email list, I highly suggest you get on there. All right, without further to do. Let's get to today's episode. Welcome back to the finding fertility podcast. I am back with a Devon BA. She is the fertility finance coach and she helps you make save and manifest money if you were watching us we were putting our fingers in the air and money was magically raining down on us. And I have to tell Devin before we like start our interview. I'm actually doing a money mindset course with Sean Croxton right now and I'm not necessarily learning anything new. Because when you dive deep into the subconscious mind and your mindset during infertility, you realise that nothing has to do with the physical world and it's all made up bullshit in your head. But he's definitely putting in some challenges that we did in your five day challenge back. I want to say almost a year ago I did that with you, you know and it's just all about those little things you know, putting it at the front of your mind and not like hiding the money shit way back deep in your purse. I
know a lot of it's repetitive stuff, but it's interesting because until you focus on it at least one time. So once in your life, you should do at least the deep dive into your original money beliefs and where they come from and how it's manifesting in your life and the patterns that you have around money, because you'll never be able to unknow that. So now that you have you started the work, now it's easier to do the work and even take it at deeper levels. And, you know, it's easier to change our thoughts, you know, patterns of behaviour, all of that around money, because now you're aware of it now it's at the forefront. And so it's really, really important work. And it affects everything, like you said, it's all interconnected. Right? Money is energy. And it's the same as everything else, and to an extent a figment of our imagination, which is great news, because that means we can do something about it.
Yeah. And it's a very taboo topic, right? No, that's why even more so after sex, right? sex and money and religion. It's like we were brought up not to talk about any of those. And I think when you become when you start dealing with infertility, it's like, fuck, those are the three topics that you need to know the most about, like, Okay, I don't know how I want to ovulation. How does that happen? What's fertility? Like? What's my chances? You're like, Okay, I don't know anything about that. Right? I can't financially afford any of this back. Okay, how am I going to get through this? And then, if you are brought up religious, and dealing with infertility, all the questions start coming up. Like, why would God do this to me what's going on? So yeah.
You take the three most uncomfortable topics on the planet and mix them all together. That's what we're doing today. We're talking about everything your mom told you not to exactly spot on, because infertility does affect every area of your life. And I don't think that people acknowledge the, the money, the spirituality in the details of our sexuality and reproductive systems. Enough, and it's like you can sort of casually mention, oh, we're thinking about IVF. And it's expensive. But you can't ask your friend. How much money do you make? You? I mean, think about your best friends. Do you know how much money they make? It is not okay to ask. You could you can joke around about sex. But can you say, you know, when was the last time you ovulated? Yeah, have you? Have you experienced a miscarriage. I couldn't believe the women that were in my own life that I that I didn't know, were going through some of the things that I had been through, because we just don't talk about it. We are told at some level, and at some point, it's not okay. And yet, it's the very things that we need to remove the shame from a talk about the most.
Yeah, exactly. We really wanted to kind of get on the topic of religion on this podcast this episode, because both Devin and I grew up in very religious homes. And for me, I must admit that I started kind of questioning religion at a very young age, I think it was like 1617, things just didn't really add up. Make sense to me. I just didn't, I was actually really involved in my family church, and my best friend's church. So I grew up Catholic and my best friend was Christian, for most people that are like, are they the same thing? For the most part, they kind of are, you know, you you praise the same God, you have the same 10 commandments, but you worship in a very different way, those of my churches for just doing really odd things. And not I didn't feel like they were the most welcoming as they were teaching you to be God wouldn't reject anyone God washed, you know, the horse feet, right? Like all these things, and yet they were doing the complete opposite. And in the beginning of my infertility years, I was like, pretty close to deciding that religion wasn't for me. So I never necessarily dealt with the why God, why me? You know, did you deal with that during your hours,
it was like probably a, almost a swing from one side of the pendulum to the other. So my family was Southern Baptist. My grandpa was a preacher grew up with both parents who said that they believed in those things, and maybe did not always act accordingly. But that's a conversation for another day. I was hypothetically brought up that you know, these are the things God cares about. And these are the things that matter staying a virgin until you were married. You know, living a good Christian girl lifestyle. My parents didn't cuss growing up, you know, you weren't allowed to say even we weren't even allowed to say, but or fart. Okay, like, we weren't allowed to watch certain shows because they were Aren't Christian like the Smurfs used magic and Captain Planet was for hippies, it's like real crazy to think about. Now fast forward, I wouldn't say I was living by any of these principles, let's be clear, like I partied every weekend and I smoked like a train and it was rebelling in one in one respect. But then on the other hand, I didn't want anyone to know about it. So I also did care what they thought and that they were still proud of me. And that I was, I remained the good golden child, because my brother was off the rails. So I went through college got married, we mostly did what was expected of us. And then we started with our fertility journey. And in the beginning, I was looking towards the Bible and towards the things I had been taught and looking for answers and comfort. And I would just sort of be scouring pages and scriptures looking for some hope. And in the beginning, there was maybe some stories that propped me up a little bit. Within the Bible, there stories of women, you know, well, essentially one woman giving birth, like much, much later in life. But then there's also a story about like taking on, you know, other wives to have children and things that were allowed, that certainly wouldn't be allowed now. So I'm like, is the story relevant? And then there's quotes in there, like, you know, children are a blessing from the Lord a gift from God. So what does that mean? Like, I'm the only kid not getting a president, like God, the Lord wants, you know, some of these celebrities that you know, are not good Christian girls, to have babies but not me. Or, like the people, you know, that are just complete and utter dirtbags. And all their children have been taken away by CPS, like they deserve a gift from the Lord. And not me. It just things didn't make sense enough to actually give me comfort. And the more I questioned, the more came up. And the more you start reading, the more things that didn't make sense for me any more. But there also wasn't the room to question it. There was not the allowance within my family and the people I respected. And you can go and ask about what's the difference between Catholicism and Southern Baptists? And you know, like that they would answer, questioning the questions within the assumption that all of this is true, you know, literal truth, the word by word truth. But when you start saying this verse, and this verse contradict each other, and they don't make sense. Do we really believe that God wants women who aren't virgins when they're married to be stoned to death? It's in the Bible? Are we really still saying that? No, no, no Old Testament versus New Testament, we only believe in the New Testament essentially, is what they're saying. But what does that mean that God made a mistake that God changed and evolved from the Old Testament in the New Testament, then how do we know he hasn't been changing and evolving since then, with a whole new set of roles? Like there's just these bigger questions that are not okay to ask and got shut down quickly. And so what happened was sort of what you were saying, like you just move to the place of this is bullshit. Like, what if none of this is true? What if all of my life has been alive? What if either God doesn't care about me? He's abandoned me, or he doesn't exist at all? And where does that leave you? And it can leave you in a really, really dark place.
And I think there's just like, very little support when you're, you know, even if your faith is like, waning, you know, like, even if your faith is like taking a hit, I wanted to be clear, I should have maybe said this at the start is like, We're not against religion, not against God. We're not, you know, we really truly want everyone to have their own path. But we were talking one day and how there is little support if you are questioning the whole religion thing during infertility, because, like you say, everything that you're taught everything you know, that you believe you just start, you know, questioning in yourself of like, it goes to such a negative place, right? You just feel like well, I'm not worthy of God's love, because I can't have a child because their gifts for me, I feel like most of us now No, even if you are religious, that the Bible isn't to be taken. Literally, we all evolved.
I make me introduce you to my extended family. Not everyone believes that, but like you just said there there is room and I will say I don't want to leave you in the middle of the dark place like the room that it made for me was asking probably for The first time in my life, what does make sense to me? What does feel true to me? I can't it to me, I cannot imagine a loving God, one who created this amazing beautiful earth and all of these beautiful souls like, I cannot imagine that person throwing me into the pits of hell to burn for eternity. Because I didn't claim to know something that was impossible to know. That doesn't sit well with me. So if I don't believe that, what what do I believe in? What it did was it gave me the space to analyse my thoughts, analyse my beliefs, analyse what other people believed, realising that just because this is the way I was raised, doesn't mean this is the only set of beliefs on Earth, there's many religions is there are trees in the world? And that makes sense, right? If you do believe that in a greater being God, universe, spirit, whatever you want to call it, that created how many even just looking at my window right now? I think there's probably 100 different types of trees, I can see right now, why wouldn't there be 100 different types of religions? Why wouldn't you know, people have different people look how different animals are, it's okay, that there's more than one way to do something. And it gives you the freedom and the space to find what does support you. Because I do think most people need support, whether you call that religion, spirituality, a higher sense of self, whether you you know, aliens in the future that come Ancient Aliens is your religion, that's cool. Like, do whatever you want, you're gonna have to find something that you actually believe in, that actually feels true to you to support you in this journey, because it can be the most difficult time in
your life. Yeah, exactly. And just having that strength to do that during this time, right? Because you already feel so weak, and you have very little places to go to talk this out to, you know, really get this out and have that conversation. And when you're questioning your faith, when you I mean, is deep rooted, right? Like, it's like a chip implanted in your head, it's not something that you just wake up one day and go, Okay, well, I don't believe that anymore. It is a very, like years, I'm talking years for me probably like a decade of me going, what's it? Oh, no, you know, and I had only a few books like this is back in like, I don't know, 2005. Six. And there might be more out there now. Because it is something that is I think people are more accepting now. Like, like you say, there's a lot out there that I can choose from. And I don't have to believe what my parents believe. I don't have to believe what my grandparents believed. I can evolve, just like with I think the whole fertility thing. We I know, you know, we were both set up to believe like, there's nothing that you can do. IVF is your only option. And then all of a sudden, we both get pregnant naturally. Right? No, like we're like, and I think I'm just I'm hoping I'm portraying, shifting the, you know, the common consciousness that actually no, there's a lot you can do for your fertility, physically and mentally.
Yeah, I think that they're all related. And we're all we are collectively shifting in. We do that to some of it's through science and better understanding. And some of that is through maybe having a better understanding of why sort of mystical principles or you know, Eastern medicine, like there's all of these things that have worked for millions of years, but now we understand why they do. So I think it's all coming together to support each other. But it is a challenge because it when you're parent, you 70% of people are the religion that their parents are. Is that because that they have their own religious awakening and experience that was the exact same as their parents? No, it's because it takes way too much time and effort and energy to question deeply. Your your most private, personal, deeply held beliefs. And unless you have a crisis in your life, there's no need to usually it's just easier to go along with the status quo. And what so assume that they did the same. They believe what their parents believe, who believed what their parents believe. So how far back Are we going that that's the case? And we just know so much more. Now. I know that you sneezing is not you trying to get a demon out of your body. Right like a couple 100 years ago, I might not have known that. That's what the great great great, great great grandma believed, but now we know better. I think that there's a lot of things that we now know better. And we can use the knowledge we do have to Support us supporting each other. You know, there's also science that backs why religious things do work that the power of prayer of people healing, when people were prayed over them? Well, so what did my family and religion do with that information? Oh, see, this religion is correct, God is real, you have to pray in order to get better. Or is there a more of a metaphysical connection here where you know, a focused energy and people coming together to do that, in love for somebody changes their cells, like, we're coming to understand so much more. And it doesn't have to be a divisive thing, where we decide how we're different. It can be what brings us together, because when you do start looking at other religions and other beliefs, there's also these common threads that they all have about kindness and love and how we treat each other and about eternal acceptance. About You know, God being of light, about you know, just the beauty. There's, there's so many beautiful things involved in almost every major religion. Why don't we focus on what we have in common? And assume that those things must be true? Because we're all having that same common experience? Yeah,
exactly. And I think sometimes I don't know if you felt it is like when you got the comments, like, just pray, or don't worry, God will handle it. It's it was one of those kind of like slaps in the face. In the sense even if you did do believe Dibley, don't believe it's, it's just that like, just relax, because you're sitting there going, like, what do you think I'm not praying? Like I'm praying every fucking day? i How hard do I have to pray to get this child? And you know, I always tell my mom, because my mom is still very, very Catholic, I said, you know, it doesn't matter if you believe that it came from God, or the, you know, Buddha or the universe, or even yourself, even if you you created that magic. It's magic within you. And the way we get there doesn't matter. And, but I feel like it's the shame. And like, going back to the three taboos, it's the shame that you don't believe, or, you know, you're not praying hard enough. It's the shame that you have issues with your sexual reproductive organs. It's the shame of money that you have to pay for something that people get for free all the time.
Yeah, well, you gotta understand, I think during this, when other people tell you just relax, when they tell you just pray, there, it's a couple of different things come into play. One is that they don't know what the hell to say. And so they're saying what is on automatic record, repeat what's been said to them, right? Number two is they want there to be an element of control. So praying is something you can do. And so they're telling you, you need to do something, because they can't handle the thought that there might be nothing you can do. That there are things in this world that are completely out of your control. And that it won't matter whether you do them or not, you cannot make this pregnancy stick. You cannot make XYZ happen. And they're so uncomfortable with that. And then to also feel, especially if this is coming from authority figures in your life, your own parents, grandparents, you have to realise that when you reject their religion, you they feel like you're rejecting them. Yeah. Now you're saying the way I raised you was wrong, how you're saying my parents were wrong and their parents were wrong. You have to consider all of the things that are tied up. And so I did have this blow up with my mom one time I'll tell you about after my daughter was born, where the religion thing was really irking me. And I would try to bite my tongue, but I'm not really great at that. And my defences were down because I had not slept for a few days. Oh, God was when we're in the middle of moving. So I think I was pregnant. And then my first daughter had the stomach flu. And in the morning, I was just so done. And my grandparents, God bless them had called to see how she was and she was throwing up and my mom was like, well, they said that they'll pray for her. And I was like, well, that doesn't really matter. It's called rotavirus and it'll be gone in three to five days. It's taking its natural course. And she was like, What? What do you mean? You're saying prayer doesn't work? And I'm like, Have you prayed away every cold you've had no, if stays around for a week, this is what happens. It's just Science like squid telling me that, but that's like the answer to anything. And she was like, Are you saying prayer doesn't cure cancer? And I'm like, What? What are we talking about right now. And my husband was over there eating a cereal. And you can see his eyes get big. And he's just like, looking around the room like, oh, shit, like, you know, usually Devon keeps her mouth closed on these issues, but now is really turned left. So luckily, I guess that my mom gets really worked up and then just shuts down. So she was just so upset that I had in her mind, I had made the connection that prayer doesn't cure cancer, which means God didn't cure my grandma, which means, you know, everything she believed in was a lie. One comment did for her that she just had to stop listening. And she's never asked me what I believe she's never broached the topic of religion with me, she doesn't want to know, like it is it is a very serious being in our family. And that's what we're talking about. So I understand why people are uncomfortable, because they don't want to be rejected. Yeah, like you just said, that experience of now family rejecting them. They don't want to have to explain themselves or argue about points that they're not sure about. What you know, admitting that you're not sure that you are uncertain about something that is completely normal to be uncertain about, that's impossible to know, none of us will know until we die. Like, it's hard to argue that and so people take it so personally. So offensively, there's so much connected to it, it feels safer to not go there. And that's the message you often receive when you go there. When you question it. Other people want to shut you down quick, because they don't want you to make them question all of their most deeply held beliefs.
Yeah, exactly. And it's so hard because it's not that you want to be right, you just want to like, express your thoughts and feelings. And you can because, I mean, religion is not like we do not talk about religion with mom with my mom either. But just the other day, we were talking about the violence that's going on. And she's like, it's just not right. It's just not right, you know, all these people destroying other people's property. And she's like, Don't worry, God will come down and have his way. And I was like, Well, okay, so it's okay for God to come down and be violent. But people who are seeking a just cause here on Earth are allowed to be violent. Like, like That don't make no sense.
Like, but you can't, but it's so it is so pointless to try. No, exactly, yeah, precision with people who are open to it. And that is, that is what I discovered. When I started questioning, when the people around me were shutting me down, not open to hearing that I was struggling, I didn't want to deal with all that. Finding a place where that was okay, finding somewhere where I could have those conversations, finding people who had different points of view, and it didn't threaten them that I disagreed or that I wasn't sure. For me going it was when I was getting trained as a life coach, it was at the Southwest Institute of healing arts. And so it was this whole, you know, college campus of people who are doing all of these alternative healings and open to so just blew my mind with the different levels of thinking. And it that it transformed me it it literally saved me and changed me in so many ways, not just professionally, but personally. And it totally changed what kind of parent I am now. And I have to say that having that sort of dark night of the soul where all of my beliefs crumbled, and who I thought I wasn't what I thought I knew. But having the opportunity to build back up a solid foundation built from what I believed my experiences, what makes sense to me, not my parents, grandparents, whatever, was huge. And now I can give that gift to my children, that they're allowed to question and that they're allowed to struggle and that we don't have to surround ourselves with people who claim to know things and you better believe them or else and I wouldn't have that would not have happened without infertility.
Yeah, yeah. 100% What's your best advice for someone who is struggling with faith? And you know, whether or not they you know, we're not saying go one way or the other. It's just a struggling part like, what would you say to them?
I would say that at the core of it is often this questioning of am I alone. Is there somebody here who's seeing how hard this is for me right now how much this hurts? And is there a god somewhere that loves me? And I want to say yes, that you are not alone, and that you are loved and you are eternally supported. And that I know it's really, really, really hard right now. And it can be very lonely. But there are lots of people who are willing to support you that there are communities available now that are very, it's so much easier to access and even a few years ago, where you can have these conversations, don't stay alone, feeling like this isn't okay. It is okay to not no, it is okay to look other places you are safe and doing so and you are loved the whole time.
Yeah, exactly. And I would say coming back to your point of with the like the power of prayer, the power of meditation, the power of you know, bringing that aura back to yourself, is use the practices that you know, and maybe branch off to practices that are similar, and just keep those going. You know, it's like keeping those vibrations up. So, you know, instead of me praying to a God, like I used to, to be in a good old Catholic girl doing the rosary. You know, it's the meditation is bringing that love that light. And like you say, it's, it's the same, it doesn't matter who you're praying to, or not praying to, it's elevating your happiness, your wellness, sending that out to other people being grateful for what you have now in that passion and that desire to have what you want. And I think that's one thing that religion and society does really well is that you're not supposed to want more than what you have. And so it's always about
all the time with or be okay with what you have. There's so many beliefs that we employ implications that come from parents and religion that hold us back in so many areas of our lives. Be but like we were talking about the big about in the beginning, when you can see that when you can analyse that it will change your life, you can now analyse every thought belief pattern you have and keep what works for you. Like you're saying the connection to spirit and meditating journaling, whatever does work for you keep it and what doesn't work for you toss it.
Yeah. And you know what's funny, let's just bring your rabbit back up to some money mindset and religion is religion definitely is like put you into like a poor money mindset. Right? Religion. Have you been to the Vatican? I've been twice to the Vatican. You know, most religions, most churches, there was a building just sold here in Hawaii for $10 million that a church bought. They are some of the richest people out there. So let's go right. It is that divide of like, why are the church is so rich, and yet, a lot of there
are the humble and the poor. Right? That's probably a whole nother episode. Open up a different episode, but I am definitely willing to talk about it because it does come up a lot in my work, actually. All right, well
let our listeners know where they can find you.
Yes, so Devin Beisa de vonbaeza.com. I'm on Instagram the fertility finance coach and the most fun is on tick tock. Yeah. If you want the real inappropriate stuff go to tick tock.
Exactly. I'm glad you're on there. It's super fun and opening and just Yeah, I felt like you could be yourself on there man. Yeah,
totally. Get out to anywhere else but tick tock, real me real Monica.
And it's mid October now Is anything going on with you and your money mind group
so I know we're recording this in August. So I keep thinking about next month which we're focusing on manifesting money, but I also have planned coming up the ins and out of insurance with fertility, top tax planning tips that literally save people 1000s And we're going to do a month focused on money and relationships. There's some really juicy stuff coming up so you can head on over to Devon buys a.com backslash FMC fertile money club that will tell you what we have done and what we have coming up and you can also get your hands on 10 easy and effective ways to fund your fertility which talks about some bizarre things I've done to make money over the years and others I have to.
Nice. Well, thank you so much for joining us and talking about this very taboo subject. I hope it helps anyone out there struggling with well all three faiths, sex, and money. Thank you so much, Devin. Thank you once again for tuning in to the final fertility podcast. If you're loving this podcast, please leave us a rating in review and let us know how this podcast is supporting you to get steps closer to creating your dream family. I hope you have a beautiful weekend and we will see you next Friday for another episode of the finding fertility podcast
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