The Hidden Reason You’re Addicted to “Doing” on Your TTC, Infertility & IVF Journey

Finding Fertility

The Hidden Reason You’re Addicted to “Doing” on Your TTC, Infertility & IVF Journey

23:23

 

You’ve cut the caffeine, overhauled your supplements, tracked every symptom, and maybe even chanted affirmations on the bathroom floor. But when things finally calm down, instead of peace… you feel panic. Sound familiar? That weird, twitchy discomfort you feel in the stillness? It’s not laziness or giving up. It’s your nervous system screaming, “This doesn’t feel safe.” And that, my love, is exactly where your healing begins.

Why Calm Feels So Uncomfortable
You’ve spent months—maybe years—doing. Planning, researching, tweaking every detail of your fertility journey. It’s no wonder that when you stop and breathe, your body thinks something must be wrong. Stillness feels like failure, because your nervous system is addicted to the chaos. It’s trained to equate nonstop action with success. But in reality, it’s blocking your body from doing what it was built to do: receive.

You can chase in chaos, but you can’t receive in chaos.

The Myth of “Just Try Harder”
There’s a hustle culture baked into modern fertility messaging. If you’re not getting pregnant, it must mean you’re not trying hard enough, right? Wrong. That belief is a one-way ticket to fertility burnout. The truth is, trying harder isn’t always the answer. Sometimes, it’s the thing keeping you stuck. Because true healing doesn’t happen in fight-or-flight. It happens when your system feels safe enough to rest, repair, and restore.

Stillness Isn’t Giving Up. It’s a Strategy
Let’s reframe the silence. Stillness isn’t quitting. It’s integration. It’s the moment your body catches up with all the inner work you’ve been doing. And yes, it’s going to feel foreign and uncomfortable at first. That doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong. It means you’re finally stepping out of the old loop. Healing isn’t about finding another thing to fix. It’s about creating space for the wisdom that’s already inside you.

Stillness doesn’t mean failure. It means you’ve entered the portal of possibilities.

You’re Not Broken. You’re Wired for Survival
If you feel more productive in a state of panic than peace, welcome to the club. Your system has been wired to survive, not thrive. But that wiring isn’t permanent. This is where nervous system regulation becomes a game changer. By practicing stillness—even for five quiet minutes a day—you start telling your body: it’s okay to soften. It’s safe to receive. And from that space, your fertility can finally exhale.

If stillness freaks you out, it doesn’t mean you're failing. It means your nervous system has been running the show for too long. You don’t need to do more, fix more, or prove more. You need to feel safe enough to stop. That’s where the shift happens. Your fertility isn’t asking for perfection. It’s asking for peace.

This week’s episode is your invitation to start small, lean into the discomfort of calm, and reconnect with the wisdom your body already carries.

Listen to the full episode now and start exploring what happens when you stop chasing and start receiving.

The Hidden Reason You’re Addicted to “Doing” on Your TTC, Infertility & IVF Journey

Let's Do This Together 💚

Monica

Listen up, lovelies: Everything I share about health, diet, or fertility magic is my opinion. Yep, it’s all based on years of trial and error, study, reading, listening, and side-eyeing the nonsense out there. What worked for me might be a jackpot for you—or it might be a total flop. Bodies are weird like that. 🤷‍♀️

Let’s get one thing straight: I’m not a doctor, nutritionist, dietitian, or any other kind of licensed health wizard. If you need medical advice, run—don’t walk—to an actual qualified professional. Don’t come back here saying Monique told you to eat kale for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, okay?

As for the products I mention, they’re either what I used during my own infertility rollercoaster or what I wish I’d known about back then. No guarantees, no promises, and absolutely no refunds on your hope budget if it doesn’t work out.

Now that we’ve cleared that up, proceed with curiosity and, above all, discernment. You’ve got this. 💪✨

🎙 Subscribe on your favourite podcast platform:⁣⁠⁣⁣⁣
Apple || Stitcher || Spotify || Google

Full transcript: 

00:00
Hello, beautiful, and welcome to the Finding Fertility podcast.

00:10
I'm Monica, your mentor in uncovering the hidden layers of your fertility journey. Together, we'll discover the right path for you within the six essential steps to creating the family of your dreams. We'll ditch the overwhelm, tune into your intuition, and build a vibrant foundation for your fertility. Whether it's through gut health, subconscious healing, or energetic alignment, you can unlock your body's...

00:34
natural power to get and stay pregnant. Your fertility journey is all about radical responsibility and deeply believing that your body is on your side. It's time to stay consistent, embrace trust, surrender, and create the transformation you deserve. Finding fertility does not diagnose, prescribe, or treat any fertility issues. What we do is empower you to take control of your health by uncovering the root causes

01:01
holding you back. Let's do this together. Happy Fri-yay y'all, welcome back to another episode of Finding Fertility. I am your host, Monica Cox, and I am so honored you are here with me, becoming the conscious mama you were born to be. It's nice to be back. I am literally recording this the day it's supposed to come, or the day before it's supposed to go out. I'm still catching up from being sick.

01:29
and just getting into better alignment with productivity because and it's like so ironic and this is how the universe works that we are talking about Mabel's 10th and last truth that we are conquering because let's just face it there's probably more truths that I can like dive into but this one is about the comfort in the chaos and

01:58
stepping out of the chaos and the push and the struggle and the haves-to and realizing that your whole world, your whole goals are not going to come crumbling down because you weren't perfect. So if you're on the email list, you know I sent out an email about how last week was the first week that Finding Fertility did not air.

02:28
in over five years. So I've had a small period of time where I repurposed podcasts, like I brought podcasts that were a few years old and relaunched them, but I did not want to bring that old energy that I am not only teaching you guys to get out of, but also practicing myself and really embodying it and stepping into

02:57
this new energy, this new frequency where yes, we show up, we care enough to show up for ourselves, but we're coming from a different space. We are retraining our nervous systems to be okay and not find comfort in the chaos. Because sometimes the stress, the spirals, the endless Googling and the supplement overhauls

03:25
are actually what is keeping us stuck because we feel safe in them, we feel like we're doing. That does not equal success. Not all the time. And here's like the trick, sometimes it feels like success. I know that I actually was on a breakthrough session with a past client actually. We never worked in depth one to one.

03:52
We had a few sessions together and she got pregnant with a beautiful baby boy and he is coming up to his one year birthday. But she is realizing what I've been trying to articulate that all the patterns that you're running in this journey do not disappear when you give birth. And the facts, like the hard scientific facts is that physically

04:23
your body is going to take a big hit because pregnancy is so demanding on a physical level. Birth is demanding on a physical level and postpartum is super demanding. So when your body doesn't have enough reserves to get you through these times, all your health issues seem to ramp up and also all of your hidden emotional, energetic frequency stuff.

04:52
really comes to light because you think and I, this didn't really happen to me until my second child, but you think that the baby's like, no, I have a baby. Like I'll feel the joy. I'll feel the success. I'll feel the worthiness. I'll feel all these things. And it's just not true. And sometimes it's your first child that shows the light. Like me, it was actually my second child. I actually was in like,

05:23
bliss with my first child and I I really I actually wrote an email about this as well that I was in such deep surrender and joy and I think that really played an important part of healing my gut not only doing you know the specific diet that I needed to do at the time but I was just unaware of what I was at how I was actually living and then getting pregnant naturally

05:52
But when my second son was ready to be born, so many life events happened at the exact same time. It threw us back into like crazy chaos where with my first child, just had no like it was just bliss and easy and flow. Where with my second child, we moved countries. My husband changed jobs. We didn't have a community anymore. We were more financially strapped. We lived in

06:22
I would say a less comfortable home, just so many, so many different things and all the old patterns just, let me just say, I found comfort in the chaos, but it made me exhausted. And when we're going through this and when you're trying to surrender and let go and you try to sit in that stillness, it feels so uncomfortable and like,

06:52
a threat that you're just like, uh-uh, nope, nope, nope, let me go back, let me find something else to fix, let me, oh, I'm not doing this perfectly, let me redo my supplements, know, whatever it is. So when you catch yourself waiting for the next thing to fix, or when you catch your thought pattern of like, I could do this better, or I didn't do this good.

07:20
Or maybe when you just feel like a little bit unproductive and you're unsettled. This is what I call chaos comfort zone. And your nervous system and your patterning, you're just wired to always go, go, go, do, do, find, find, find. And being okay with not searching, not doing.

07:50
And sometimes, actually I had a client say to me like, if I let go, I feel like I'm giving up. That if I'm not trying my absolute hardest, because that's how I've done everything else in my life and I've seen the success, it just feels so foreign. I was like, that's exactly it. It feels foreign to do the one thing that your fertility is

08:19
begging you to do. So sometimes you'll think, why do I feel more panic when things are calm? And this is not in your head, it's in your nervous system. Your body has become addicted to the high alert state dopamine hits from new information, cortisol boosts from the constant action. The hypervigilance becomes your baseline. So I'm raising my hand here. I know many of you listening to this.

08:51
And so here's the truth. It's harder to receive in chaos. You can chase in the chaos, you can survive in the chaos, but to receive and be at peace in the chaos is so much harder because you're running a frequency of that chaos. So we all know it can happen in the chaos.

09:21
It can happen in really not good situations, right? I always tell you guys, pregnancy is not a sign of health. But maybe your reality, your world, it happening in the chaos is for a reason. And it's for a higher reason. And that reason is epigenetics.

09:50
and you clearing the BS or even man, even if you just clear 5 % of the BS, 25%, 50%, you know, we're not talking about 100 % here. But if you clear that energy, clear that frequency, clear those emotions, then you're more open to receive. So that's on the fertility side. But continuing on from that, when you move through pregnancy,

10:19
delivery and postpartum, you are able to be in a better state of health and you will be in bliss. There's so many mothers out there who aren't enjoying, and I'm going to raise my hand up on this one as well, parts or large parts of motherhood, right? We don't have to enjoy all of it.

10:48
But not because they... The main reason is because they just can't rest. And they're always on the go and they're just exhausted and they're getting triggered by their children who are just naturally acting like children who do not have these developed prefrontal cortexes. And they're just not enjoying it as much as they thought. And then they have the guilt.

11:18
the mom guilt. And then if you add on that layer of fertility guilt, it took me so long to get to where I'm at. I should just be in pure gratitude and pure habit. And it's not like that for everyone. So the more you can start shifting and asking, why is this stillness? Why is this everything's calm and that is a good thing?

11:46
bothering me so much.

11:50
we can really, and I don't even know what I just said there. I just lost my train of thought.

12:00
You know where I'm going with this, okay? You know where I'm going. So this stillness requires trust. It requires practice. It requires shifting into a new frequency. So going back to what I said previously, right now you might be thinking, if I'm not constantly doing something to fix my fertility, how am I going to see the success that I want? How?

12:27
do I know that I'm not falling behind, that I'm not wasting time? How do I sit still without spiraling? How do I trust that peace isn't just me giving up? These are the questions that are probably going around in your head. And let me offer this. Stillness isn't stagnation. Stillness is integration.

12:54
Stillness is where you hear your intuition, where you can use discernment. Stillness gives your cortisol time to settle down. Your nervous system, yeah, you're going to feel like you're buzzing, it's going to feel uncomfortable. So you're going to have to find the modality that fits best for you. Is it walks out in nature? Is it yoga? Is it a salt bath? Is it talking to a friend?

13:24
is it doing a shammatic moving, dancing? You got to find that right movement, that right modality that is going to help you through the times because if you just try to sit, you might blow yourself out. It might just be too much for you. So you're moving. I talk in the new part of the course in the fertility energetics and in dreams about the 1 % 2 %

13:54
change that you're making maybe once a week, maybe a few times a week. Where you're at is how you're going to be able to move and to say, okay, I'm going to create this whole new lifestyle. Most people don't stick with it because it's too hard. It's too much. It's too foreign. And so it's about these micro movements. It's about finding security in the mundane, watching your thoughts.

14:22
What is your day to day like? What are you thinking? But you have to get still. And that's why I say go for a walk. If you go for a walk for 45 minutes and if you can just walk for 10 minutes of that of that time without listening to music, without listening to a podcast. So many of us are trained to just keep getting the information and go, go, go. And that you're just not opening space.

14:50
for what you need to hear. so surrendering so much harder, letting go is so much harder, listening to that intuition is so much harder. So getting into alignment of how stillness can come for you, what that looks like, because I'm not, when I say stillness, it's not just sitting on a mat, right, with your legs crossed. It's just turning off the noise that you're so used to.

15:19
and finding a practice that is going to allow you to get better and better and better at this. Stillness is where your body, your field, your spirit can finally get to catch up with all the inner work you have been doing. All the physical work you have been doing. That's why I talk about alignment and coherence. You're doing it. You're doing all the work, but your missing piece is really stepping into

15:49
that radical responsibility and taking the actions that are completely opposite to the chaos that you're so used to. So you have to show up for yourself and kind of reprogram the belief systems, the energy, the frequency that it is safe to be at rest, to be still, and to have peace in your life.

16:18
And remember that nothingness that you're doing doesn't mean failure. It means you've entered the portal of possibilities. You are bringing in that new frequency that you're desperately chasing by doing all the doing. in this particular area of life, it's not beneficial to type a

16:47
your way out of fertility issues. It's doable, but it's not long-term beneficial because you increase the health risk to yourself and to your baby on an epigenetic level. So in saying that, next week I'm going to guide you through a grounding and clearing meditation that is going to hopefully become part of your daily

17:17
practice of clearing the energy in your body. Now, if you're sitting here going like, Monica, I don't really think energy and frequencies are a thing or emotions in the way that you're speaking about them. And what I have to say to this is two things. The reason

17:41
I saw the success I saw in my fertility and the success I am seeing now in motherhood and business is because I was curious enough to try. I did not believe for one second that my diet was affecting my fertility, but I was curious and willing enough to see what happened. Changed my whole life. Add on the layer of what I'm talking about now. I was curious enough to do the unseen.

18:10
because I was so perfect on a physical level and I physically and emotionally and even mentally was not well. So I was curious enough to give it a go. So if you're curious enough and you're willing to do these things consistently for a while, really give it a go.

18:36
And in like three months time and you turn around and you'd like, no, I really tried it. It didn't work. Then, okay, it's not your thing. But stay curious. My other part to this is think about energy and emotions and frequency in this way. Do you feel anger? When you get angry, do you feel it? 100 % of people will say yes. You know what anger feels like.

19:05
You know what sadness feels like. So these are tangible things. If you are willing to look at them in a different way than what usual tangible objects are or physical symptoms are. You can feel the frequency in a room when you start getting in tune with your own body. You can feel the frequency of anxiety, of desperation, of laughs.

19:35
But you have to be willing enough and curious enough to experience this before you go, uh-uh. Because trust me, once again, when I first heard and getting into all this, I had my doubts, but I was curious enough to go, hey, I've tried everything else, so I might as well try this. So tune in next week. We'll be moving into a space of

20:04
full body coherence, you'll get grounded, you'll get clear. And in that grounding and clearing, if you are ready for the next level, you already know. So if you're already into the stuff, you can start rewiring your system to receive, to have peace, to feel calm and get yourself out of the comfort in the chaos. So until next week.

20:31
Have a beautiful weekend and we'll see you then.

21:00
endless research and you're at a point where you are screaming I have tried everything why isn't this working this only works for women who are ready to take a radical responsibility for their journey and start listening to their body's innate wisdom because deep down you know you can heal and achieve your ultimate goal if that's not you yet that's okay not everyone is ready yet

21:29
to show up with ease, deeply connect to their energy, unlock subconscious patterns, and listen to their body's ability to come into full coherence. But for those who are ready, I'm offering something I only do with my paying clients, and this is a fertility breakthrough session. This is the first thing I do, even before I start.

21:52
really deeply working with someone in a coaching package. It's a deep dive session where we look at exactly where you are right now, what's keeping you stuck, and the easy shifts that can change everything. But fair warning, these sessions are very limited and go fast. So if you're interested in checking out my superpower for uncovering exactly what's been overlooked, jump into one of these free calls.

22:20
They're deep, they're intuitive, and they're game changing. The only way you can access this is if you actually personally message me. You can do it on your favorite platform, IG, TikTok, or at my personal email, monica at findingfertility.co, not .com because they wanted $3,000 for the M with just one word. And that word is dreams, obviously, D-R-E-A-M-S.

22:49
And I'll make sure you get that link right away. Remember, this transformation happens when you stay committed to yourself. Trust your body, follow your intuition, make it possible. The links that you need are down below. And if you are still here and you absolutely love this podcast, please take some time and leave me a review and help other women like you find this podcast to get the support they need. Help a sister out. Leave a review today.