Week 9: IVF Trauma, Stillness, and the Body’s Need to Pause During Infertility
Stillness is not the goal.
Safety is.
Most women are not addicted to doing.
They are avoiding what surfaces when they stop.
Stillness removes the buffer.
The noise gets louder.
The sensations rise.
The stories tap on the door.
So the body moves.
Plans.
Cleans.
Checks.
Optimizes.
Not because it is wrong.
Because it learned this is how to survive.
On the fertility journey, this pattern gets rewarded.
More effort.
More control.
More monitoring.
Until the nervous system forgets how to pause without panic.
This is not a mindset problem.
It is a safety conversation.
When the body has never practiced presence without performance, stillness feels unfamiliar.
Unfamiliar feels unsafe.
Overdoing is not a flaw.
It is information.
The impulse to reach for your phone.
To fill the space.
To avoid the pause.
That reaction matters more than the pause itself.
You do not need to stay still longer than feels honest.
You do not need to fix anything.
One breath is enough.
One noticing is enough.
Choice changes the signal.
Force reinforces the fear.
Healing does not happen in the big moments.
It happens in the space between tasks.
In the line at the store.
In the quiet car ride.
These are the places where the body relearns safety.
Where rest stops being a threat.
Where fertility burnout softens without effort.
Nothing to do.
Nothing to prove.
Just space.
And a body learning it is allowed to be here.
Listen Now: IVF Trauma, Stillness, and the Body’s Need to Pause During Infertility
Week 10: Fertility Burnout and the Guilt of Rest No One Talks About During IVF & Infertility
Let's Do This Together 💚
Monica
Listen up, lovelies: Everything I share about health, diet, or fertility magic is my opinion. Yep, it’s all based on years of trial and error, study, reading, listening, and side-eyeing the nonsense out there. What worked for me might be a jackpot for you—or it might be a total flop. Bodies are weird like that. 🤷♀️
Let’s get one thing straight: I’m not a doctor, nutritionist, dietitian, or any other kind of licensed health wizard. If you need medical advice, run—don’t walk—to an actual qualified professional. Don’t come back here saying Monique told you to eat kale for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, okay?
As for the products I mention, they’re either what I used during my own infertility rollercoaster or what I wish I’d known about back then. No guarantees, no promises, and absolutely no refunds on your hope budget if it doesn’t work out.
Now that we’ve cleared that up, proceed with curiosity and, above all, discernment. You’ve got this. 💪✨
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Full Transcript:
00:00
Hello beautiful and welcome to the Finding Fertility podcast.
00:10
I'm Monica, your mentor in uncovering the hidden layers of your fertility journey. Together, we'll discover the right path for you within the six essential steps to creating the family of your dreams. We'll ditch the overwhelm, tune into your intuition, and build a vibrant foundation for your fertility. Whether it's through gut health, subconscious healing, or energetic alignment, you can unlock your body's natural power to get and stay pregnant.
00:37
Your fertility journey is all about radical responsibility and deeply believing that your body is on your side. It's time to stay consistent, embrace trust, surrender, and create the transformation you deserve. Fighting fertility does not diagnose, prescribe, or treat any fertility issues. What we do is empower you to take control of your health by uncovering the root causes holding you back. Let's do this together. Happy Friday y'all. Welcome back to another episode of Fighting Fri-
01:07
I am completely honored you're doing the work showing up for yourself in these mundane moments. This is week nine. We are nine weeks into this. I hope you have been able to see some really dramatic awareness shifts for yourself. Maybe you don't feel like your life has necessarily shifted, but you just see things so differently.
01:31
And you just keep reminding yourself, remember if you have a bracelet, a necklace, sticky notes, something on your phone, reminding yourself like, hey, we are looking at life in a different way. We're showing up in a different way. That's the hardest part of this work. Remembering to get out of autopilot and make those new decisions, those new thought patterns, those new habits, doing that contradictory action in the physical and on the emotional side.
02:00
We've touched on this before, but I want you to really see where it still feels unsafe to be still. For a lot of us, the overdoing isn't about being productive. It's about avoiding the stillness, doing those automatic patterns of this is just what I do. I go, I over control, my house is perfect, my fertility journal is perfect, perfect. And you're just not being still because stillness...
02:30
all the like kind of demons creep in, the stories creep in if you can feel the anxiety when stillness comes in. But stillness asks you to be with yourself without distraction, without the momentum, without a role, without an identity. And that can feel uncomfortable AF. Right? Not if anything is wrong with you, but because stillness removes the buffer.
03:00
When you stop moving, sensation rises, feelings surface, thoughts get louder. So movement becomes relief, checking something, cleaning something, planning something, doing anything. And I would even say reading, watching TV. I have noticed, and I knew this before because of my early education background, I'm homeschooling my boys now.
03:26
And the days that we are not over scheduled, meeting with friends or going out, we always have some schoolwork to do. But the days that I have nothing planned for them is the days they get the most creative because they have to be still. They have to be bored. They don't get screen time like half the population gets. And I'm not forcing them to just be still. What I am creating for them and their brain and their nervous system.
03:54
is that it's okay not to have anything planned or micromanage every second of your life. And so you can do this for yourself as well, but it's going to feel uncomfortable at first. I just want you to start observing right now. And if you feel like, okay, Monica, I get it. Do it then. Start with five minutes. See what five minutes of nothingness. See how many times you want to reach for your phone. Pick up and go do the laundry.
04:23
Check your emails. I literally have had to teenage-proof my phone, my emails, all my social media accounts. I have to check in, have a breath. It takes me about 15, 20 seconds to actually log into the app. And I did this because I was radically honest with myself and I noticed that I just kept reaching for my phone. This was when I was taking care of my father. A really big, heavy time in my life.
04:51
but because I had already become the radical observer of my reality, I was like, this is not cool. So this week isn't, once again, about forcing yourself to be still. If you're ready for it, take those moments, put in those action steps, but recognize what comes up. Why are you reaching for that? And if it's just a habit, sometimes these things just become a habit.
05:18
How can you break that habit and do that opposite action? In those moments like standing in line, can you not check your phone? Where there's these natural pauses, the space between the tasks, the quiet moments. Notice what your body does. Do you tense? Like I said, do you reach for your phone? Do you immediately feel the space? That reaction is information because the body doesn't avoid stillness without a reason. And often the stillness feels unsafe
05:47
because it's unfamiliar, because you've spent years being rewarded for motion, because rest was conditional, because presence was never practiced. So don't stay still longer than it feels honest. Just notice the impulse to escape in those mundane moments. Carve out some space if you're ready for it. We're in week nine. Some of you are ready for it. Some of you are in the course. You're going deeper. You're understanding things. Expand that practice.
06:18
And challenge yourself. Notice, can I stay for one breath? Not as a demand, but as an option. Tell your nervous system it's safe to be still, not through force, but through choice. And that choice begins with the awareness, begins with the noticing. So this is gonna be another big week of mundane-ness and awareness. And next week, we're gonna move into
06:47
where overdoing loosens and rest is re-framed without guilt or shame. So until then, have a beautiful week and we will see you next Friday. Thank you once again for tuning in and becoming the conscious mama you were born to be. Remember, I wasn't some magical unicorn who stumbled into fertility success. I stayed consistent, I put in the work and I made it happen. And guess what? You can too. Remember, this transformation...
07:16
happens when you stay committed to yourself. Trust your body, follow your intuition, make it possible. The links that you need are down below. And if you are still here and you absolutely love this podcast, please take some time and leave me a review and help other women like you find this podcast to get the support they need.
