Hardest Truth I Faced During Infertility: Not Having Children How I Let Go to Get Pregnant Naturally
There was a moment during my fertility journey that I never expected. It did not happen in a doctor’s office or after a new test result. It was not a protocol change or a supplement I had not tried yet. It happened on an ordinary afternoon while I was sitting in the sunlight in my dining room, doing nothing particularly remarkable. And yet it became one of the most important moments of my entire journey.
A quiet thought came over me with a level of calm that I had not felt in years.
My life would still be beautiful even if I never had children.
For many women who are struggling to conceive, that sentence feels impossible to say out loud. It feels like betrayal. Like giving up. Like somehow abandoning the dream you have been holding onto for years. When you have spent so long wanting something so deeply, imagining life without it can feel unbearable.
But that realization was not about giving up. It was about releasing the grip that infertility had on my life.
And that shift changed everything.
The death grip infertility creates
When women come to work with me after years of trying to conceive, I see the same pattern over and over again. It is something I recognize immediately because I lived it myself.
A tight emotional grip on the outcome.
Every month feels like it carries the weight of your entire future. Every decision starts to feel incredibly important. Should I change my diet again? Should I try a different supplement? Should we start another treatment cycle? Should we push harder? Move faster? Do more?
There is this constant pressure running quietly in the background. If I stop doing something for even one month, what if that is the month I miss my chance? If I slow down, what if I lose time? If I take a break, does that mean I am giving up?
Many women believe that holding tightly to the goal is a sign of commitment. That the intensity proves how much they care about becoming a mother.
But what I eventually realized in my own journey, and what I now see clearly in my clients, is that this constant pressure creates an enormous amount of tension in the body. Your nervous system never fully relaxes. Your thoughts never truly settle. Your entire life begins to orbit around one single outcome.
And that is where so many women quietly find themselves living in what I call infertility hell.
Not just the physical struggle of trying to conceive, but the emotional prison that slowly forms around it.
My fertility journey before everything shifted
My own fertility journey lasted years. By the time that moment in my dining room happened, I had already been trying for around five or six years. I had gone through two failed IVF cycles and a miscarriage, and like many women in this space I had spent those years searching for answers.
I threw myself into the physical side of healing. I learned functional medicine, studied cellular health, and changed nearly every part of my lifestyle. I focused deeply on gut health, nutrition, inflammation, and the foundational pieces of what allows the body to function well.
Looking back, that journey is exactly why I understand the physical side of fertility as deeply as I do today. The work mattered. The changes mattered. My body absolutely benefited from it.
But emotionally, I was exhausted.
Even when I finally became pregnant during that period, I was still carrying a lot of bitterness and frustration from everything that had happened before. Years of disappointment had built up quietly inside me. I had spent so long believing that my life would only truly begin once I became a mother.
And without realizing it, I had allowed my entire sense of meaning and happiness to become tied to that one outcome.
The moment clarity arrived
That afternoon in my dining room, something softened inside me.
The thought that came through was not dramatic or emotional. It did not feel like grief or sadness. It felt calm. Grounded. Certain. You are going to be OK if you never have children. Your life will still be beautiful.
For the first time in years, my body relaxed. The tension I had been carrying quietly for so long began to loosen. I still wanted a family. That desire did not disappear. But the fear that my entire life depended on it began to dissolve.
It was like taking a deep breath after holding it for years.
Letting go did not mean giving up
One of the biggest misconceptions about letting go during infertility is that it means you stop trying. That you somehow abandon the dream.
That is not what happened for me.
I continued supporting my body. I kept working on my health. I continued healing my gut and making lifestyle changes. I kept showing up for myself physically and emotionally.
I still pursued IVF.
My journey did not magically end that day. In fact, it continued for quite some time. I eventually had an IVF baby. Later I experienced another miscarriage with twins. And after that I became pregnant naturally.
But something inside me had shifted.
Motherhood was no longer the thing holding my entire life hostage.
I could still want it deeply without allowing the fear of losing it to dominate every part of my existence.
Why imagining life without children feels impossible
One of the hardest conversations I have with clients is asking them to imagine their life if children never come. Not because I believe that will happen.
But because the fear surrounding that possibility is often enormous. For many women, the idea feels so painful that they cannot even allow themselves to think about it.
And yet that unspoken fear is often the very thing running the entire journey.
When the mind believes that everything depends on one outcome, it holds on tighter and tighter. It pushes harder. It searches more. It tries to control every possible variable.
But what I have seen again and again is that when the fear is finally faced, something surprising happens. The nervous system begins to relax. The body stops operating in constant survival mode. And when that happens, space opens up.
The deeper work most women overlook
Most women struggling with fertility are doing far more than they need to physically. They are researching constantly, trying new supplements, switching protocols, and looking for the missing piece that will finally make everything work.
But the deeper shifts often happen in the quiet moments.
In the mundane parts of daily life.
Becoming aware of the emotional patterns that have been running quietly underneath everything. The control. The urgency. The identity that has formed around becoming a mother.
When those patterns begin to shift, something profound happens. Life starts to open up again.
A life that still holds meaning
The hardest truth I had to face during infertility was this.
My life still had value even if I never became a mother.
That realization did not remove my desire for children. But it gave me something I had not felt in years.
Peace.
And from that place, I continued my journey with far less fear and far more presence.
For most women fertility is innate. When the body is supported physically and the emotional pressure begins to soften, the path forward often becomes clearer.
But even before that outcome arrives, something important can return. Your life. Joy. Presence. Your ability to live fully while the journey unfolds. And sometimes, when that shift finally happens, the door you were trying so hard to force open begins to move on its own.
Listen Now: Hardest Truth I Faced During Infertility: Not Having Children How I Let Go to Get Pregnant Naturally
Let's Do This Together 💚
Monica
Listen up, lovelies: Everything I share about health, diet, or fertility magic is my opinion. Yep, it’s all based on years of trial and error, study, reading, listening, and side-eyeing the nonsense out there. What worked for me might be a jackpot for you—or it might be a total flop. Bodies are weird like that. 🤷♀️
Let’s get one thing straight: I’m not a doctor, nutritionist, dietitian, or any other kind of licensed health wizard. If you need medical advice, run—don’t walk—to an actual qualified professional. Don’t come back here saying Monique told you to eat kale for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, okay?
As for the products I mention, they’re either what I used during my own infertility rollercoaster or what I wish I’d known about back then. No guarantees, no promises, and absolutely no refunds on your hope budget if it doesn’t work out.
Now that we’ve cleared that up, proceed with curiosity and, above all, discernment. You’ve got this. 💪✨
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Full Transcript:
00:00
Hello beautiful and welcome to the Finding Fertility podcast.
00:10
I'm Monica, your mentor in uncovering the hidden layers of your fertility journey. Together, we'll discover the right path for you within the six essential steps to creating the family of your dreams. We'll ditch the overwhelm, tune into your intuition, and build a vibrant foundation for your fertility. Whether it's through gut health, subconscious healing, or energetic alignment, you can unlock your body's natural power to get and stay pregnant.
00:37
Your fertility journey is all about radical responsibility and deeply believing that your body is on your side. It's time to stay consistent, embrace trust, surrender, and create the transformation you deserve. Fighting fertility does not diagnose, prescribe, or treat any fertility issues. What we do is empower you to take control of your health by uncovering the root causes
01:01
Holding you back. Let's do this together. Happy Friday. Welcome back to another episode of Finding Fertility. I'm your host Monica Cox and I am completely honored you are here with me becoming the conscious mama you were born to be. We are fresh out of 20 plus one weeks of really taking it slow, taking radical responsibility, making sure we're completely aware of how we're actually patterning
01:31
energetics behind it, our thought patterns, your frequency, your emotions, behind the mundane, what's really going on. Because until you know that, it's really hard to change things, switch things up, so you can see a difference. So you can actually make the radical change you want to make in your life, see the success that you want in your life.
01:58
And that only really comes from doing things differently. And sometimes it is doing things slower, doing things with more awareness, not learning more, not doing more, not getting to the finish line quicker. So I really hope that this 20 plus weeks have been inspirational.
02:21
If you fell off the wagon and you're like, oh my God, that was so boring. I'm glad we're moving on from that, Monica. Please go back and do it again. I am telling you, if you spend 20 weeks doing that, just that, just that podcast, so much can change in your life. Leading on from that 20 plus weeks and what I have deeply seen in
02:51
Like 90 % of my clients is the death grip that I talk about all the time that we have on this journey. I know I had it. And I know almost a hundred percent of people who are dealing with fertility issues have it at some point, you just have this death grip and that if you let go, if you surrender, if you take a break,
03:20
then that means you're giving up, that it's never going to happen. What if it was that month, you know, like that I didn't take my supplements or I didn't do this or I didn't do the IBF. What if I waited six months too long? And through these conversations that I've been having, it kind of dawned on me that there was a time in my journey. And remember, I didn't have the consciousness that I have now during my journey. um I was really figuring it out.
03:49
And it was a very type A overdoing, controlling everything on the functional side of things. That's how I gained the functional medicine knowledge that I have. This is why I know deeply about cellular health. My journey was a very physical journey. And it works. I mean, it worked for me. I didn't have to do the conscious stuff that, em you know, I'm teaching you guys here now, but
04:17
I had to do it in motherhood and entrepreneurship. The patterns didn't just go away because I got what I wanted, you know, becoming a mom or starting my own business. um They amplified, like by 10,000%. And they got really loud. And my perfect Taipei controlling, overdoing physical part of my journey, I was getting sick again.
04:44
I was seeing symptoms. I wasn't happy. I had the perfect dream life that I would have killed for. mean, literally would killed for during the deep dark days of infertility. I wasn't happy. When these conversations, I realized there was a moment. I was living in Lincolnshire and I had two failed IVFs, a miscarriage. I was
05:13
probably six years, like maybe a tail end of five, six years into this journey. And I got a little bit of hope back because I finally got pregnant. But I mean, I was still bitter and frustrated and just like, man, this is ever gonna work. And I was sitting in the sunlight in my dining room area.
05:43
And I just had this clarity come over me and these images of you're going to be all right if you don't have kids.
05:57
You're gonna be fine. You're gonna have this like this amazing life. From that point on, I kept showing up. I kept doing the diet. I kept healing my gut health. I kept slowing down. I kept being mindful. I definitely had a lot of mindset stuff going on then. I still showed up for myself. I still did IVF.
06:21
I had an IVF baby after that, I had another miscarriage with the twins, and then I got pregnant naturally. I mean, the journey still continued, but I had this deep clarity that it was gonna be okay if I didn't have kids. And now my understanding of what happened pretty naturally by kind of default, because my journey was so long. uh
06:51
At certain points, I was just so done with the BS. And I think that in these moments of clarity, your intuition, your discernment, your connection with, you know, a higher self, whether that be your higher self, your spirit guides, God, plasma, you know, like whatever we're connecting with, they're allowed to come in. In my conversation with my clients,
07:22
They can't even get there to say that out loud that it would be okay if I never had kids or it would be okay if I didn't have a second, third, or fourth.
07:35
And in that grip, that death grip is some energetics that are absolutely blocking you from moving forward in more clarity, in more peace, in more harmony in this journey. And that's the ultimate goal. We're not trying to trick or convince our subconscious you won't have a child or that you don't care.
08:05
If you don't have a child or another child goal around this is removing the fear that is keeping you stuck in overdoing over control that pattern around the possibility of it never happening. So your body, your nervous system, your fascia, your patterns can stop and you can actually go into
08:35
the rest of your journey, enjoying life, enjoying yourself, being there. Yeah. I mean, there's going to be hard times. There's always going to be hard times in your life. There's no magic out there. There's no intuitive. There's no energy healing. There's no guru or modality that is going to negate anything bad ever happening. And so in this journey, we want to let go of that fear.
09:05
It's okay to be uncertain. It's okay to be happy during these struggles. It's okay to want what your heart wants and still live your life and get out of the victim mode, murder mode, get out of these control patterns that are just keeping you stuck in what I call infertility hell because it is. It is absolute hell to
09:35
allow your life to revolve around this one experience. So what we want to move away from is this death grip attachment to having a child or multiple children to peace and meaning even if that child never comes. But here's the truth.
10:02
For 90 to 90 % of you all, that child's gonna come. Because your fertility is innate. And when you get out of your own way, after you've boosted your cellular health and you get out of your own way, get out of these control patterns, this fear, this grief, just this energy that bogs you down every single day. Even if it's like, pretend we're all really good at
10:31
I'm fine. It's okay. That's the goal because a lot of us have a waste of time. And that's just the facts. I mean, look, everything's a lesson. We got to do what we got to do. But with hindsight, my first three years of trying to conceive it never, it was never ever going to work. Waste of time. First IVF, waste of time. It was never going to work. Second IVF.
11:01
Because I took that year to radically change so much of my cellular health and even my mindset and slowing down showed me, hey, there's, there's proof in this. Things are working. Things are changing. When I was told that they never could change. And so that opened the door. So if you do this work, this mundane, boring ass work, you will see things.
11:30
change so dramatically in your life that you're willing to keep going. And so this meditation, which is not just like a normal meditation, is inspired by a balance that I did in my Psych K training about birth and death. Birth and death are the most emotionally charged
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edges of the human experience. And I think that by doing this meditation, that clarity, that fear that we hold in this fertility identity thrush can be so powerful to so many women and can really radically change your journey. So let me give you a warning.
12:26
On this, this is not your typical meditation. This is showing up for yourself. You're not going to just lay down and meditate. You got to be willing to show up with these emotions that scare the hell out of you. Because when you sit with those emotions, they can release, they get out of your body, they go. Or another way that I have.
12:56
heard it recently is that you become whole again inside. So you got to be like really ready to show up and face these big emotions around the fear and the uncertainty and this like death grip that we have around having a child or another child. You have to be ready to surrender, to let this go, knowing that it's still in your heart.
13:25
that you're still gonna show up for yourself and do the physical things, maybe the medical assistance, but with more empowerment, with more discernment, with less time urgency, less fear. This meditation is for those really truly done with the BS. You're gonna also need to muscle test for yes and no, because when I do this in facilitation, when I'm guiding you through
13:54
a meditation like this, I muscle test on your behalf. So the first thing we want to do before we get started is I want you to sit and become aware of your whole body. I want you to be radically honest. Are you ready for this? If I was facilitating this for someone, I would ask, is it safe and appropriate to balance for this now?
14:24
Meaning using this meditation. Are you ready for it? When I get a no, that means there's this underlining issue and we discover what may be emotional blocks we need to clear before we go into this meditation. What subconscious belief that we're holding onto that's blocking us. What is it that we need to release before we open Pandora's box? So sit with yourself.
14:53
for a few minutes and really feel in to the feeling of, am I going to allow myself to say out loud, it's okay if I don't have child? I'm going to be more than okay. I can have a beautiful life without the expectations that I have put on my family's outcome, meaning one child.
15:23
I've worked with several clients who want four children. If you are getting like a hard no, like I am not prepared for that, then you definitely should jump into at least the fertile energetics journal, which I'll link down in the bio and start getting into the energetic and the mindset shifts in there.
15:49
the storylines and just shift in a few things before you do this meditation. If you are like, I'm ready. I am so done living my life on whether or not I get pregnant every single month. And I am at the point where I am more than okay with letting this go and living my life now and leaving the door wide open.
16:17
for the family of my dreams. So like I said, I muscle test on behalf of my clients when I'm doing these activations. You have to really use your intuition muscle test if the activation is complete. If you are ready, then here we go.
17:04
We're first gonna activate the thymus center. The thymus gland is considered by some to be a key energy center in the body and primary distribution center for life force energy. It is located just below the neck on the midline of your body. To activate the thymus center, close your eyes and concentrate on this area of the thymus. Breathe into this center.
17:33
and imagine it being filled with energy during each inhalation. Continue this process for about a minute or until you sense the thymus center is activated.
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you
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you
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Next, we're gonna activate the Hara point. The Hara point is a theoretical point approximately two inches below and behind the navel in the center of your body. It is the energetic midpoint of the body, top to bottom, side to side, and front to back. Imagine this point as an energy vortex, kind of like a black hole.
19:45
Any undesirable feelings and thoughts may be sent to the Hara point for transformation and release. To activate the Hara point, close your eyes and concentrate on the area of the Hara. Breathe into the center and imagine it being filled with energy during each inhalation. Continue for about a minute.
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or until you sense the horror point is activated.
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you
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Now we are going to connect the thymus center and the hara point, sending your breath between the thymus center and the hara point by inhaling, energizing into the thymus center and exhaling, releasing to the hara point to establish this connection between the two areas. Continue for about a minute or until you sense the connection is complete.
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Energize. Release. Energize. Release. Energize. Release.
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you
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you
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as we continue our breath and alternating between the thalamus center and the horror point.
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When you are ready, remember or imagine the moment of desire for a child when it first entered your life. This could be a childhood dream of being a mother, watching others have children, the moment you decided you wanted a family, the moment you began trying to conceive.
25:14
The moment fertility became an important goal.
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Allow yourself to access the thoughts, emotions, hopes, and expectations connected to this moment.
25:31
Send any distrustful thoughts or feelings to The Horror Point for transformation and release.
25:40
Continue breathing between the thalamus and the heart until you feel a sense of peace and non-attachment regarding to the beginning of your motherhood journey.
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you
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you
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you
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Now we're going to identify and access the fertility journey from that moment to the present. Continue breathing between the thalmas center and the horror point.
28:09
And when you are ready, allow your mind to move through the entire journey from the moment you desired a child until today.
28:20
This can be the months or years of trying, medical appointments, treatments or procedures.
28:31
Negative pregnancy tests, pregnancy loss, moments of hope and disappointment, all the emotional and physical toll of the journey. Simply observe and experience without trying to change them.
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Send any distrustful thoughts or feelings to the horror point for transformation and release.
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Continue breathing between the thalamus and the hara until you feel peace and non-attachment regarding the entire fertility journey up to the present moment.
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you
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And now we're going to move into the best case life scenario without a child.
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Keep breathing between the thalamus center and the horror point. When you are ready, begin to imagine the most beautiful and fulfilling version of your life if a child never comes.
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allow the image and images to form naturally.
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This might include deep partnership and intimacy, meaningful work and contributing to your community, travel and adventure, mentoring a younger generation, community and friendship, creative expression, spiritual growth and service, a life filled with
32:23
purpose, joy, love, creativity, and freedom.
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Allow yourself to feel the peace, the richness, and the completeness of that life.
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send any grief, fear, or resistance to the horror point for transformation and release.
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Continue breathing between the thalamus and the hara until you feel a sense of peace and non-attachment regarding to the possibility of living a meaningful life without children.
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you
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you
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you
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Now we're gonna enter the worst case life scenario without a child.
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Keep breathing between the thalmas center and the horror point.
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Now imagine the most difficult scenario of not having the family of your dreams.
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Allow the mind to show you the fears that may exist. The loneliness in older age. The regret. Judgment from others. Feeling left behind. The loss of identity of being a mother.
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sadness around family traditions, holidays, being excluded from your friends who do have children.
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Allow yourself to fully witness these tears.
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and know that you are loved and cared for and supported during this.
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Send all distressing thoughts and feelings to the horror point for transformation and release.
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Continue the breathing pattern, allowing the emotional charge to dissolve naturally.
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Imagine moving beyond the fear into a place where your life still holds value, connection, and meaning even if this outcome were true.
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Continue until you feel peace and non-attachment regarding this worst-case scenario.
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you
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you
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This process may leave you with a sense of ongoingness and timelessness. Now we will make sure you are fully present in this time and place. Please say out loud with meaning and conviction, I know who I am as I co-create my reality moment by moment.
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you
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you
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you
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you
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you
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Now I want you to remember that this is really emotional. even always get really choked up when I do this balance, whether it is for birth and death or something new like this. So if there is a lot of heaviness after doing this meditation, please know that is normal.
44:17
If there is heavy crying, heavy emotions, please make a note of that. The best thing for you to do is to not try to force it away. Take note of what has come up. These are our signs that we need to move through these things with grace and ease. Getting grounded. So if you can go outside in nature, take a salt bath, be really gentle with yourself.
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If this has brought up more emotion than you thought, then it's time to journal. It's time to do the, you know, the balances that I talk so freely about the whole brain connection, sitting with yourself and expressing your fears, your anger, your grief, your resentment. This is the way through. A lot of the time we avoid this because
45:17
as you might have felt, it is just so heavy. So if you shut the book after this meditation for a while, like do not judge yourself, just give yourself time. This is a massive frequency balance. This is going to take you in a completely different path than you have been on and it could feel a little bit bumpy. Just keep showing up for yourself in small.
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ways, remember the mundane moments are where the magic happens. And obviously you can reach out to me for more guidance and support. If you feel like, this made a massive difference or this opened a can of worms and I would like some more guidance and support, the links are down below on how to connect with me. I really truly hope that this meditation in the best ways possible opens up just a different journey, a different path.
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to motherhood and gives you real opportunities to have true peace and true joy during this time. Take care of yourself and we will see you next.
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Thank you once again for tuning in and becoming the conscious mama you were born to be. Remember, I wasn't some magical unicorn who stumbled into fertility success. I stayed consistent. I put in the work and I made it happen. And guess what? You can too. Remember, this transformation happens when you stay committed to yourself. Trust your body, follow your intuition, make it possible. The links that you need are down below.
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And if you are still here and you absolutely love this podcast, please take some time and leave me a review and help other women like you find this podcast to get the support they need. Help a sister out. Leave a review today.
