Why You Keep Repeating the Same Fertility Struggles: Even After Doing Everything Right [Infertility]

Why Your Fertility Journey Feels Like the Same Month on Repeat

One of the hardest things about infertility isn't the waiting. It isn't the testing, the appointments, the supplements, or even the uncertainty. It's the feeling that no matter how much you learn, how much you do, or how hard you try, you somehow keep ending up in the same place.

The details may change. One month you're convinced the answer is gut health. The next month it's hormones. Then it's egg quality, inflammation, mindset, nervous system regulation, or some new piece of information you've never heard before. Yet underneath all of that movement is the uncomfortable feeling that you're still having the same conversation with yourself that you were having six months ago, a year ago, maybe even three years ago.

 That's because many women aren't actually repeating the same actions. They're repeating the same patterns.

There is a difference.

Most of the women I work with are incredibly intelligent. They are resourceful, driven, committed, and willing to do whatever it takes to become mothers. The problem isn't a lack of effort. If effort alone created babies, many of these women would have been holding their children years ago. The problem is that the same qualities that helped them succeed in other areas of life are often the exact qualities creating friction in their fertility journey.

When something isn't working, they learn more. When they feel uncertain, they gather more information. When they feel scared, they do more. When they feel out of control, they tighten their grip. From the outside this looks responsible. It looks proactive. It looks like someone who is deeply committed to her future.

What often goes unnoticed is the energy underneath it.

The constant research isn't always about curiosity. Sometimes it's about trying to create certainty in a situation that refuses to offer it. The endless learning isn't always about growth. Sometimes it's about avoiding the discomfort of sitting with emotions that don't have immediate solutions. The doing isn't always productive. Sometimes it's simply a way of staying busy enough that you don't have to feel what is actually happening underneath the surface.

I know this because I lived it.

For years I believed I was making progress because I was collecting knowledge. And to be fair, some of that knowledge absolutely helped me. But eventually I reached a point where information was no longer creating clarity. It was creating noise. I had become so focused on finding the answer that I stopped paying attention to the patterns driving the search itself.

That realization changed everything.

Not because I suddenly became enlightened. Not because I healed overnight. Not because all my problems disappeared. It changed everything because I finally stopped asking what I was missing and started asking what I was unable to see.

Those are very different questions.

When you ask what you're missing, you assume the answer exists somewhere outside of you. When you ask what you're unable to see, you become willing to look at yourself. You begin noticing how you react when things don't go according to plan. You begin noticing the stories you repeat. You begin noticing the habits that feel so familiar you've mistaken them for your personality.

That's where awareness starts.

And awareness is far more powerful than most people realize.

Not because awareness instantly changes your life. It doesn't. Awareness simply shines a light on what has been operating in the dark. It allows you to see the ways you've been participating in your own suffering without realizing it. It allows you to notice the moments when you're abandoning yourself, pressuring yourself, criticizing yourself, or trying to control things that cannot be controlled.

Most women want the breakthrough.

What they don't realize is that breakthroughs are usually built on hundreds of small moments of awareness. Tiny moments where you catch yourself running an old pattern and choose not to follow it quite so far this time. Tiny moments where you notice the fear before it becomes a spiral. Tiny moments where you stop treating yourself like a problem that needs to be solved.

That is the work.

Not because it gets you pregnant tomorrow.

Because it changes the relationship you have with yourself while you're on the journey.

And from where I sit today, that's the real transformation. Pregnancy may be the outcome you're hoping for, but becoming the woman who is no longer being unconsciously run by fear, perfectionism, control, resentment, guilt, or self-abandonment is the deeper gift.

That's the shift that changes everything.

⚡️Most women don't need more fertility information. They need help seeing what's actually keeping them stuck. That's exactly what we help women uncover inside Finding Fertility.  

Let’s Do This Together 💚

Monica

Listen up, lovelies: Everything I share about health, diet, or fertility magic is my opinion. Yep, it’s all based on years of trial and error, study, reading, listening, and side-eyeing the nonsense out there. What worked for me might be a jackpot for you—or it might be a total flop. Bodies are weird like that. 🤷‍♀️

Let’s get one thing straight: I’m not a doctor, nutritionist, dietitian, or any other kind of licensed health wizard. If you need medical advice, run—don’t walk—to an actual qualified professional. Don’t come back here saying Monique told you to eat kale for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, okay?

As for the products I mention, they’re either what I used during my own infertility rollercoaster or what I wish I’d known about back then. No guarantees, no promises, and absolutely no refunds on your hope budget if it doesn’t work out.

Now that we’ve cleared that up, proceed with curiosity and, above all, discernment. You’ve got this. 💪✨

🌺 Book Your Fertility Clarity Session Today 

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Full Transcript:

00:00
living the same day on repeat again and again because you are stuck in a two-week wait cycle and even though you're doing everything right you feel like your body keeps rejecting what your heart desperately wants so you keep going you keep showing up you keep doing but yet you're not seeing the success that so many others seem to get very easily and I can only show you this because I've lived

00:29
through it. It all started with my own personal fertility journey. That's what quote woke me up 15 years ago and like a good type A over researching, over controlling, overdoing. You eventually get burnt out because it's not working, but because you're not going to give up. You finally come to the realization that the only way to move forward is to stop. And if you resonate with this, you should definitely follow

00:58
If you're looking for a quick fix, here it is. Simply stop. That's all you have to do. Stop being a people pleaser. Stop doing all the right things. Stop researching. Stop overachieving. That's the quick fix. But there's few people living inside the matrix that can do this. And it's all because, and you already know this, say it with me, your unconscious and subconscious beliefs and patterning inside your body.

01:27
Because it doesn't necessarily live in your mind. You don't have to control your mind. It also lives through every cell of your body. I once heard one of my favorite mentors say, the fuck are you trying to be the GOAT of? Because at the end of the day, you want to be the GOAT of your life. And being the greatest of all time is different for everyone. And I can hear you saying, I don't want to be the greatest of all time at anything. I just want a child.

01:56
I just want freedom. I just want safety. So that's what we are going to become the goat of. Our own self. It's not a full body yes to me that this is actually the ultimate goal of our lifetime on earth. Whether it's one lifetime or a hundred lifetimes, I don't believe that most of us are seeking perfection. No, that happens in the light.

02:24
in the energy, call it heaven, call it the universe, but your purpose here on earth isn't that. And it's still not a full body yes for me that there is actually a purpose, a single purpose, or even hell, multiple purposes of why we come to earth and deal with the bullshit we deal with anyways. Of spending hundreds, if not thousands of hours listening and reading and studying.

02:53
different perspectives. The only thing that I can come to a full body yes conclusion with is it's all fucking made up. Everything. Everything's imagination. But we're not here for that conversation. We're here for this conversation. This is being the GOAT, okay? We're not aiming for perfection. You don't need to be perfect to get what you want in this life. I think there's enough people in this society to prove to you that you don't have to be perfect to get what you want.

03:23
Ultimate goal for you over here is to understand how to get to a close state where you can actually enjoy your time on this piece of rock hurling through the universe. So what you have to understand is all of this equals your default frequency, your energy, your emotions, your light, your sound. This is just your default. You got there.

03:53
through years, decades of other people's BS. So you arrive, let's say at the age of 15 to 25, with a big pile of BS. It's not yours. It was never yours to begin with. But you've claimed the shit out of it. You've made it your identity.

04:21
You've made it your beliefs, you've made it your thoughts, you've made it your habits, and you're just patterning. Now most people, when they don't understand this, you're stuck in this constant cycle of going around the BS and you just keep doing and doing and doing and patterning and wondering why life hasn't changed.

04:49
You have more knowledge, you're smarter, you're wiser, you have access to the internet. You don't have to grow your own food, you don't have to hunt for food. You don't have to do all the crazy things that our ancestors had to do to survive. Year 2026 is pretty fucking easy if you think about it. But you keep going. You think life is hard, money is hard, fertility is hard, parenting is hard. You play the victim, you're the martyr.

05:19
You just keep cycling through this, doing all the right things, meditating, yoga, a few trips on a retreat, inner child work, and things start to change slightly. And you start patterning maybe here and you're going around here, but you're avoiding some of the deeper work.

05:47
that feels so uncomfortable in your whole body. Not just your mind, but you physically feel it. You feel the anxiety, you feel the grief, you feel the betrayal, you feel the burden and the resentment in your body and you don't like it. So you don't go deeper into these emotions, into the patterns. You stay stuck.

06:17
patterning now this way around this circle. You've gained a lot of knowledge. You've gained a little bit of awareness. Sometimes you can be super honest, but you're not ready to take that responsibility part to now start doing contradictory actions in the physical world. When I first started in a deeper level of the nest,

06:46
I still watch myself, go in the morning, do some yoga, do some strength training, have a sauna, take a cold plunge, nervous system, peaceful. Walk into my crazy life that is parenting, I care who the fuck you are, it's gonna be crazy no matter how many years of infertility, no matter how many rounds of IVF you do, if you're not getting rid of this bullshit, your beautiful children that you paid,

07:15
$50,000 for buy one get one free are still going to tip you over the edge. So I started trying to understand how can I live in my crazy life and have regulation through my body. And it's a radical, radical.

07:38
Radical honesty that what you're doing isn't working. Yeah, it works for that hour you're alone, but the moment you're back into your reality, it's not working you're triggered. The radical awareness without judgment, without judging yourself and becoming your worst critic again and spiraling into the stories, into the rumination. The radical responsibility that you take to show up differently.

08:07
No matter who's judging you, no matter how insane you look, you have to become that. You have to take all the knowledge that you have collected and actually apply it. But that's the scary part because collecting knowledge, researching, showing up, the doing, that's way easier than sitting on a park bench for a day looking lazy.

08:34
asking for support because you're so hyper independent. You'd rather do it all yourself. And then while you're doing that, you're telling yourself the story of like, well, I have to do it all myself, poor me, no one's here to support me. Well, you're rejecting it. It doesn't feel safe. It's easier. So it's getting uncomfortable and understanding that yes, unpacking the belief system, your identity,

09:03
releasing the emotions, sitting with the emotions, not pushing the events that happen in your life away, justifying them, you got a lot of knowledge, you can justify the hell of why this person did this to you or why this happened. It doesn't change the emotion connected to it. It doesn't change the frequency connected to it until you accept it, until you sit with it. That's all unconscious and subconscious and that becomes your default.

09:31
Because you know consciously you see your thoughts or you hear them either way you see yourself you know what you're telling yourself and you would never talk the way you talk to yourself to a child to your best friend you would never do that to someone else so you why would you do it to you again and again and again and that's where the science comes in your neurons that fire wire together well you've had decades of wiring that you have to go back in

09:59
You're the only one that can do it for you. You can see the stories you tell yourself. You can see your habits and your patterns and you can probably sit there and go, why the hell do I still do it? Well, you haven't taken the time to get through these layers of the unseen, of the things that you don't want to see that you keep avoiding because it's going to be change. You're going to change and that's unsafe.

10:28
Your body's always trying to keep you safe. It's always trying to keep you in homeostasis. It's always fighting for you, even if it's fighting the wrong battle. These things, your beliefs, your identity, your emotions, your events, your thoughts, your stories, your habits, your patterns, they create your reality. And you have to tackle all of them. So what I see most people doing is going in and doing maintenance around.

10:57
the beliefs, emotions, and then they stop. Well, that should have taken care of everything. I'm a woo woo. I like it. I'm here for it. Talking to your dead granny 500 times a day is not going to change your human patterns that you keep showing up with, reinforcing the energy, the story, the thought, the emotion, strengthening your identity. Talking to your spirit baby again and again and again. Yes, that connection is amazing. Do I believe it's real? Absolutely.

11:27
But I also see it keeping you stuck instead of focusing on what that disconnect on a physical, because we're playing a physical game people. As much as it's energetic and the frequency and sound and emotions that you cannot see, you are still playing a 3D reality. Cellular health absolutely matters to pregnancy, to parenting. We are playing a 3D game so you can't reject.

11:55
Well, I've cleared those emotions, but I'm still gonna act like this. It's not gonna work. So you gotta think of your reality. How can you show up with contradictory action to support a new belief system, a new identity, emotions, events? Now, do I believe that you can sit and listen to affirmations and theta state for 42 days and change that part of your life that you are trying to? Absolutely.

12:23
But I think it's gonna take you 180 days if you don't dive into the belief behind that. Do you actually really believe what you're listening to? What you've told yourself? Are you identifying with it? Truly? What emotions are stuck that are keeping you from not being able to explore that? Or to even get a whole body yes. And then when you're showing up in the mundane-ness of life in between these sessions

12:52
How are you moving? What are you thinking? What are you ruminating? Are you busy doing the things with anxiety frequency? Checking the boxes? Are you gonna be chill? And sit on that park bench and feel the overwhelming anxiety that you're being lazy.

13:15
Or if you promise yourself that you're not gonna research another protocol or another reason why you're not getting pregnant or another reason why you're blowing up at your kid and you just sit with the emotions and actually let that subconscious speak to you, you'll get your answer. But most of you don't have the answer that you want, so you ignore it. You don't wanna slow down. You don't wanna give up your job. You don't wanna give up your lifestyle.

13:43
You have to understand that that lifestyle helped contribute to the cellular health chaos that could be potentially wrecking your fertility. This is a mind and body game. It's not one or the other. I have clients come to me saying, I know it's energetic. I've done all the physical right things. It's just my energy. It's just my frequency. And they have H. pylora. No, that is not going to work. You can't energetic your way out of H. pylora.

14:13
Yes, stuck emotions, bad frequency contributes to poor cellular health, but you have to also be showing up in the physical game for this. So your job, after you've done all the right things and you're like, this isn't working, I need to pivot, is to become radically aware of the BS, not your BS.

14:42
Because we're not over identifying with this. This is the someone else gave you this and then you just cycled it again and again. So the first step is denouncing what was given to you. That isn't you. You know the true you. It's time to show up that way. You're going to get radical about watching you, how you are showing up.

15:12
in an unconscious and subconscious level because those two things create the consciousness, create the automatic, create your reality and then you start unpacking it slowly because everything's a time game and you think because society has told you, the experts have told you that you're on a timeline with your fertility which I'm saying that that

15:39
There isn't a cutoff date for women and their fertility, but it's not the dramatic one that they've sold you. So you have to give yourself time to change these patterns because you have to show up in the mundane of life and every day have this awareness. And yes, it's going to be a full-time job and this is why most people quit. It's exhausting if you let it be. If you let it become.

16:06
this frantic doing that you have to show up this way it's on your checklist you're doing and I'm gonna do this this and this it's just awareness huh that's interesting acted like a bitch the other day trying to get all these chores done all these to-do things done with frantic energy just like oh having that awareness for yourself of yourself changes the game and even if you do nothing about it and you just watch yourself you'll get sick of your own BS

16:36
You'll get sick of it and then you'll be ready to change in a dramatic way that will forever change the epigenetics of your lineage. Pregnancy is the cherry on top. The ability to be the conscious mama you were born to be is the cake, is the frosting. That's becoming the GOAT. When you can show up and mother your children and yourself in the way you want to.

17:05
and you're not being ran by the BS, someone else's BS that you probably haven't even met. Yeah, mom, dad, grandparents, great-grandparents, great-great-great-grandparents. It all trickles down, hopefully for the better. But sometimes it can go the other way. But you want to be the person to stop it. The narrative, the unconscious and the subconscious. That's being the GOAT. That's ultimate success in life. Everything else, like I said.

17:35
is the cherry on top.