Why You Still Feel Stuck in Infertility Hell: Even After Doing Everything βRightβ
Why Slowing Down Might Be the Fertility Breakthrough You’ve Been Avoiding
Let’s talk about the thing no one wants to admit when navigating infertility, IVF trauma, or the maddening loop of TTC burnout: you might be doing too much.
I know, I know. You've read the books. You've taken the supplements. You’ve tracked your BBT, googled gut health protocols, asked ChatGPT 42 different questions about implantation windows, and maybe even begged the universe for a sign. But here’s the real talk: transformation doesn’t happen from more knowledge, it happens from integration.
And integration? That requires something most of us aren’t comfortable with: slowing the eff down.
When Busyness Is a Trauma Pattern (Not Productivity)
If you’ve been stuck in hustle energy during your fertility journey, I want you to ask yourself something radical:
What if the constant doing is actually keeping you from healing?
We’ve been trained to believe that action equals progress. But when it comes to fertility—especially after repeated IVF cycles, miscarriages, or unexplained infertility—the real medicine lies in embodiment, stillness, and emotional healing.
That doesn’t mean giving up. It means showing up differently.
It means shifting out of trauma-based hyper-control and into deep nervous system safety.
It means realizing that frequency always trumps protocol. You can have the perfect diet, perfect timing, and the best fertility clinic in the world—and still feel completely out of alignment with your body.
The Missing Link in Most Fertility Protocols
Here’s what most medical approaches ignore: the emotional, energetic, and subconscious layers of your fertility. You can’t muscle your way into motherhood. You can’t out-supplement a frequency that’s running on fear, anxiety, or suppressed grief.
And let’s be honest—most of us are carrying subconscious blocks that say things like:
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If I stop trying, I’ll lose everything I’ve worked for.
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If I slow down, I’ll fall behind.
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If I rest, I’m weak.
Sound familiar? Yeah, me too. I lived in that space for years. Until I realized that radical responsibility doesn’t mean doing more—it means being more present.
It means embodying the truth that stillness is sacred, not lazy.
That surrender is strength, not failure.
That your energy field, your frequency, your coherence… is what actually shapes your fertility outcome.
Gut Health and Energetics: Why They’re Not Separate
We can’t talk about frequency without bringing in the gut. Your gut is your second brain, and it plays a massive role in your emotional stability, your hormone regulation, and your body’s ability to come into reproductive alignment.
If you’re inflamed, overstimulated, and burnt out—your cells aren’t in a space to receive life. Period.
This is why emotional detoxing, nervous system regulation, and embodied energetic practices aren’t just “woo.” They’re required.
Especially if you’ve already tried “everything else.”
So What Do You Do Instead?
You start living the work.
You stop outsourcing your power to another supplement, another test, another doctor’s appointment.
You build a system for slow, integrated embodiment.
You get radically honest about how your patterns of rushing, fixing, and controlling are no longer serving your future child—or your present self.
This is the moment you pivot.
You start showing up in a new frequency.
Not just to get pregnant…
But to become the conscious, grounded, intuitive mother your soul baby has been waiting for.
Your Next Step
If this hits home and you're done with fertility burnout, emotional spirals, and subconscious sabotage… it’s time for radical responsibility.
Not the kind that leaves you overwhelmed and exhausted.
The kind that reconnects you with your body’s wisdom, your energetic alignment, and your capacity to mother from the inside out.
Because that’s where the true fertility breakthroughs happen.
And spoiler alert: it’s not during your next mushroom ceremony or hormone panel. It’s in your daily moments—when you choose to slow down, integrate, and live in your next-level truth.
Listen to the full episode here: Why You Still Feel Stuck in Infertility Hell: Even After Doing Everything “Right”
Let's Do This Together π
Monica
Listen up, lovelies: Everything I share about health, diet, or fertility magic is my opinion. Yep, it’s all based on years of trial and error, study, reading, listening, and side-eyeing the nonsense out there. What worked for me might be a jackpot for you—or it might be a total flop. Bodies are weird like that. π€·βοΈ
Let’s get one thing straight: I’m not a doctor, nutritionist, dietitian, or any other kind of licensed health wizard. If you need medical advice, run—don’t walk—to an actual qualified professional. Don’t come back here saying Monique told you to eat kale for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, okay?
As for the products I mention, they’re either what I used during my own infertility rollercoaster or what I wish I’d known about back then. No guarantees, no promises, and absolutely no refunds on your hope budget if it doesn’t work out.
Now that we’ve cleared that up, proceed with curiosity and, above all, discernment. You’ve got this. πͺβ¨
πΊ Book Your Fertility Breakthrough Session Today
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00:00
Hello, beautiful, and welcome to the Finding Fertility podcast.
00:10
I'm Monica, your mentor in uncovering the hidden layers of your fertility journey. Together, we'll discover the right path for you within the six essential steps to creating the family of your dreams. We'll ditch the overwhelm, tune into your intuition, and build a vibrant foundation for your fertility. Whether it's through gut health, subconscious healing, or energetic alignment, you can unlock your body's natural power to get and stay pregnant.
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Your fertility journey is all about radical responsibility and deeply believing that your body is on your side. It's time to stay consistent, embrace trust, surrender, and create the transformation you deserve. Finding fertility does not diagnose, prescribe, or treat any fertility issues. What we do is empower you to take control of your health by uncovering the root causes holding you back. Let's do this together.
01:04
Happy Friyay y'all, welcome back to another episode of Finding Fertility. I'm your host, Monica Cox, and I am so honored you are here with me becoming the conscious mama you were born to be. So today is either gonna feel like a soft whisper or a slap in the face, depending on where you are in your journey. But either way, it's exactly what you need to hear. I have radically changed.
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Fertile Energetics and Dreams with a 13 plus week radical responsibility and embodied action system where you are going to stop collecting more insight. You might get a little bit more insight, I'm not going to lie, but the main part of this is you're going to actually start living the work. So.
01:59
Take a deep breath because we're not rushing through this episode. And we are gonna talk about why going slow is not just intentional, it's sacred. So there's three emotional and energetic truths that you need to know, okay? The first one, transformation does not happen through information, it happens through integration. You don't need another podcast, but that doesn't mean switch off.
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Or another supplement or another piece of advice right now. What you need is to start really living what you already know and having a clear system to integrate that. And you need to feel it. You need to embody it and you need to practice it in real time. Okay, truth number two, your busyness is a protective
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pattern. We've talked about this before. Not your true pace. Rushing is often a trauma response disguised as ambition. Slowing down feels terrifying, not because it's wrong, but because it's unfamiliar to your nervous system. But this time, you are not going to push through it. This is called spiritual bypassing.
03:25
And I'm going to raise both hands and both feet because I have been there for over a decade. I mean, you you're doing the work and you're showing up and I know exactly how you feel right now. And it's really frustrating not to feel the, I don't want to say breakthroughs because radical responsibility and embodying it is
03:53
You're not going to get these big breakthroughs like a breathwork session or like a mushroom journey or, you know, even like a big session with me. Radical responsibility is mundane AF. But when you keep it up, you see and feel in your day-to-day life the difference because you're actually shifting
04:22
the energy and the frequency of your life. The big breakthroughs, yes, they're amazing and they're necessary. I think they're part of the journey. But what I started to realize is that I was always seeking the next big breakthrough, always seeking more knowledge, always seeking. And I was like, there's got to be an end to this.
04:47
There's got to be not that I think that your healing journey ever truly ends like FYI, sorry, maybe in your 70s when you truly don't give a fuck. In your 30s and your 40s and maybe even into your 50s, I think there's just this level of realization because you're so radically responsible. You're you're ready just to when things pop up, you're like, yep, I'm going to do the work. Or when you just feel
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completely stuck, you're not gonna be like, oh well, that's just my life. You're like, okay, I'm gonna seek what I can do. I can't see the issues. So I mean, you know, here's the truth. I have coaches, I pay people, I just paid someone $250 for 30 minutes of her time because she has this amazing ability to...
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really see the holes in your journey. Like I thought I had that ability, but man, this woman like was spot on. And so I'm willing, right? Like you, I'm willing to go, Hey, I feel stuck in this area of my life because I'm taking radical responsibility. And I always say, and if you haven't heard me say it, maybe I'm not saying it enough. You'll know the difference of your ego and what society
06:09
has told you what you want to what is truly in your heart. And the reason you're still here and you have done so much and you're willing to do more, but remember it's not about the doing, it's about the being, but you're willing to get there, to get to the being, is because that desire was put in your heart.
06:36
And so it's your true destiny and you're willing to continuously show up for yourself. And that was a little like side. I don't even know where I was going with that, but I hope it was helpful. So let's get to truth number three. Stillness is medicine, but only if you stay long enough to receive it. So let's say that again. Stillness is medicine. It is one of the biggest things you need most in your life.
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And so the way I have set up radical responsibility and embodied action inside the two courses, it is slow and it opens very slowly because I found when I started putting this together for myself that even with all the knowledge that I had, it was taking me longer to really embody it.
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and be really present, then I wanted it to.
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So women who are going to go into this are advanced. You guys are done, done, done, done with the BS. And you know that there is this whole other dimension that you are ready to embody and take action in. So you're going to have a lot of knowledge. So this is not about collecting more knowledge. This is actually living it and doing it. But even with all the best intentions,
08:11
And I'm gonna say it, I know people don't really like it when I say it. The less children you have, the more time you have to yourself. So because I have two children, because I am a homeschooling mom, I do have less time on my hands, period. I don't care what anyone says. That's just the facts. And that's not an excuse for me. That's just my life. And I have to radically live my life in harmony with that.
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When you have one child, when you have zero children, you get to have more time to yourself. So you might be able to keep up with this embodied action better than me because you have more time on your hands and you have to look at that as a gift. So instead of getting frustrated that you want to move faster, really look at this as protecting yourself from bypassing any of
09:10
any of the discomfort that is going to come up. You are going to implement and build safety inside the slowness, which ironically is going to give you more time because we all feel time poor and especially in a fertility struggles journey, you don't think time is on your side. But I can safely say that time is on your side.
09:39
when you're empowered, when you feel safe inside of yourself. And that's when the real rewiring begins. When you combine the energy, the frequency, the emotions and the inspired action, because they're not separate. It's really interesting. Like my whole journey was very physical.
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Yes, I did mindset. Yes, I slowed down, but I did not do any of the work that I'm teaching now to get pregnant actually at 36. That just wasn't my journey. And at a time when I was learning about connecting with your spirit baby, which you guys know I don't like using that term because they're not babies, very advanced souls, especially the souls waiting for my conscious mamas.
10:35
who are getting their SHIT together because they are here to do real work because we all know no matter what side of the fence you are sitting on right now that this planet needs a big hug, a big cookie, and a big therapy session. So your children are going to be active participants in making this place really truly heaven on earth.
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And they need conscious mamas who are going to be able not only to give them the physical advantage, right? We're not going to be dealing with gut health and autoimmune and food sensitivities and ADHD and, you know, levels of issues that really take away from meeting our true potential. I do believe there are, you know, human beings out there that are gifted.
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disadvantages and I do these air quotes here because they're elevating on a different level. What we're seeing now are disadvantages. So I hope, and if you want me to go in to the difference of that, that could be a whole other podcast episode. I'm going to give you three questions. And as you're sitting with what is true for you, some resistance,
11:59
some urgency, some like, that makes sense. Just let it be. Be the observer of what comes up for you without judging it because that's where you want to get. Okay? So your first question is, but if I stop doing, what happens to my progress? And here's the facts. You've been taught that action equals progress.
12:26
But what if at this stage of your life, integration is actually the most powerful form of action? Okay, question two. What have I been avoiding with all this doing?
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I gave you a long pause. What came up for you? Is it the discomfort? Is it fear? Is it anger? Is it grief? Because that is the reality. Is that when we are overdoing, we are avoiding. We are seeking self-worth because we're avoiding. Once again, I'm going to raise both of my hands and both of my feet on this one.
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Okay, question three. How do I actually live this work when life gets messy? If you have listened to this podcast, you know I say that when you do the work, you just get to move through life with more grace. Shit is still going to hit the fan, but you're not going to be stuck in the thick and awfulness.
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of it all. Hand on heart, when I had both of my miscarriages, which were completely different energy, right? Same situation, miscarriage after frozen embryo transfer, and the first one gave me hope. Yeah, I was devastated. Yeah, it sucked. But it gave me so much hope. And the only reason I got through that miscarriage with so much grace
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was because I was highly dedicated. I just quit my quit my job. We moved from Yorkshire to North Wales. We had like nine weeks in a summer cottage before we moved to Lincolnshire. I had no children. My husband wasn't even really around, to be honest. It was me and the cats and I knitted and I created this beautiful felt like busy book and
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I was dedicated to my morning gratitude practice and I went for a lot of walks on the beach. I was in complete surrender mode because really I had nothing to do. I had no job. I couldn't research anymore. Like it was, I was at my breaking point of research and I got through that time with just so
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much joy in such a dark time. My second miscarriage, I had my IVF baby. We were dead set. We were having twins. I swear it was like, it was written in the stars. Beyonce was pregnant with twins. I saw like two egg yolks and one egg. You know, the signs were all there and it didn't happen. And
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That miscarriage was devastating, even more so than the first one, because that was it. In my head, in my reality, I thought that was it. We were walking away with one kid and I was just going to be super grateful for that, but I was devastated that that was the end. We knew we weren't going for any more medical treatment. We were about to leave. We were going to be leaving the UK, actually. We knew we were moving to Hawaii and we were financially tapped.
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And so, you know, that miscarriage was very hard on us. But because I had been doing the mindset work and because I was just secure in who I was at that point of my life, we moved through that. And then the surprise of a lifetime, right? That natural pregnancy. And it wasn't because I was on a girls weekend when I was supposed to get my period, but that was...
16:33
That wasn't because I relaxed for that like one weekend. No, I had put in the incredible hard work to figure it all out. And then I stayed consistent. So it's really important that you understand that the work you do in the mundane is setting you up for cruise control, for grace, for peace during the, you know, what can become the shit storm.
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And you know, for those who have really listened to the podcast, you know I lost my father last November. And the deep surrender and acceptance that I had to be in during that journey he lived a year from diagnosis was unreal. Like I look back and I think, oh my God, if I didn't do the work that I did, I could have made that whole situation because it was...
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you know, that radical responsibility, you're always going back to you, right? Like, how are you showing up for your life and affecting the vibration and the frequency of those around you? You can't control them. You can only control how you're showing up. I know the over-controlling type A hyper management me, who was me a few years ago, could have created that whole situation to be way worse.
18:00
Way worse. And I am always internally grateful for the work that I did because the way I showed up for the whole family in just deep surrender mode and allowed him to have his own journey. It was so beautiful, even though it was devastating and heartbreaking at the end and it didn't have to be that way. Like you guys got to remember.
18:26
I knew, like, well, I don't know if I've ever said this out loud, I knew my dad had cancer two years before he was diagnosed. And I said things to him and being a little bit controlling and he backed away. Nope, nope, that's not it. Like all whatever. And so I knew that he could still be alive right now if he just listened, but he chose not to. And that was his own journey. And I had to be a part of his journey and allow his journey to unfold.
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And even though it's one of the hardest things, you know, a daughter has to go through, you know, be holding his hand while he takes his last breath.
19:08
I'm just eternally grateful that I had the skills and the tools to make it through that and just allow it to be one of the most peaceful times for everyone around me. Okay? So. You want to watch yourself as you're moving through this radical responsibility, this embodied action, and you know that it's quote unquote working when you don't freak out.
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about another pregnancy announcement, that you don't spiral when you get your period or even during the two week wait, that you are able to step back and live in joy and peace and love and just have that confidence that this is your path. It was put in your heart for a reason and you have to radically show up differently because we know, you know, you have the proof.
20:06
that the way you were operating before didn't work. So why would it work in the future? Which I want to say, people can type A their way into a pregnancy. The fallout is that you will continue to pattern that way during pregnancy, during birth, during postpartum and your motherhood. And that's what I'm here to say to you and be the mirror, like, hey,
20:36
there is such a better way. I had a client once say to me, she was so worried dealing with secondary fertility issues. And this is part of the reason why that she was in the thick of it is her anxiety and her stress over losing her firstborn. just like really like at a level that was not healthy. And she said, don't you worry about that stuff.
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And I said, yeah, of course there's things that you have in your mind. But the thing is, is that I can't control any of that. And I'm not gonna hyper control my children who need to learn how to live in a world without me, which is the harshest thing to ever do to a mother, because of my fears. So I have radically, once again, taken responsibility of
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my fears so I don't project them onto my children. And that is the biggest thing, the most loving thing that you can do for your unborn children. So this is why moving forward, whether or not you jump into fertile energetics or dreams, or you are going to promise yourself that you are going to move more slowly, give your space
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time to practice these things, make new habits, to meet these moments in life with a new type of energy, with a new awareness, and to build these new patterns that don't collapse the second life gets hard.
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So I hope that this is the moment where true magic begins for you, that you get it and that you truly understand that you need to start living this in the mundane every day in 1 % in a 1 % way. And next week we are going, actually in the next two weeks, we are gonna sit down with Tina, the herbalist.
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A woman who doesn't just talk about healing, she has lived it in several different ways. She's a very powerful force of nature. And I hope that please show up to the next two podcasts ready for some tough love. Because she does not mince words. So until then, give yourself permission to go slow, to rest, to feel, to integrate. Because remember,
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This is the next chapter of your journey and it doesn't need more noise, it needs your full presence. So have a beautiful weekend and we'll see you next week on another episode. Thank you once again for tuning in and becoming the conscious mama you were born to be. Remember, I wasn't some magical unicorn who stumbled into fertility success. I stayed consistent, I put in the work and I made it happen. And guess what?
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you can too. And I have something for my loyal podcast listeners, but here's the key. This is only for women who are feeling burnt out, frustrated, and stuck in the cycle of endless research. And you're at a point where you are screaming, I have tried everything. Why isn't this working? This only works for women who are ready to take a radical responsibility for their journey and start listening to their body's innate wisdom.
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Because deep down, you know you can heal and achieve your ultimate goal. If that's not you yet, that's okay. Not everyone is ready yet to show up with ease, deeply connect to their energy, unlock subconscious patterns, and listen to their body's ability to come into full coherence. But for those who are ready, I'm offering something I only do with my paying clients, and this is a fertility breakthrough session.
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This is the first thing I do even before I start really deeply working with someone in a coaching package. It's a deep dive session where we look at exactly where you are right now, what's keeping you stuck and the easy shifts that can change everything. But fair warning, these sessions are very limited and go fast. So if you're interested in checking out my superpower for uncovering exactly what's been overlooked, jump into one of these
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free calls. They're deep, they're intuitive, and they're game changing. The only way you can access this is if you actually personally message me. You can do it on your favorite platform, IG, TikTok, or at my personal email, monica at findingfertility.co, not dot com because they wanted $3,000 for the M with just one word. And that word is dreams, obviously.
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D-R-E-A-M-S and I'll make sure you get that link right away. Remember, this transformation happens when you stay committed to yourself. Trust your body, follow your intuition, make it possible. The links that you need are down below and if you are still here and you absolutely love this podcast, please take some time and leave me a review and help other women like you.
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Find this podcast to get the support they need. Help a sister out. Leave a review today.
