Why Your Fertility Isn’t Shifting (Even When You’re Doing All the Right Things) During IVF & Infertility
And what finally made the difference for me (and my clients)
You’ve tracked your cycle like it’s your job.
You’ve swapped your coffee for bone broth.
You’ve spent more money on supplements than you care to admit.
You know all the things.
So why the hell isn’t it working?
If you’re feeling like you’ve become a walking encyclopedia of fertility advice but your pregnancy tests are still negative, this post is for you.
Because here’s the truth most people (even doctors, coaches, & healers) won’t tell you:
👉 It’s not about how much you know.
👉 It’s not even about how “clean” your diet is or how many sessions you’ve done.
It’s about how you show up in the mundane.
And yeah, that sounds boring. But it’s the magic you’ve been missing.
The Illusion of “Doing Everything Right”
I spent years checking every fertility box. I had the perfect chart, the functional labs, the protocols. I even became a certified Functional Diagnostic Nutrition Practitioner because I was determined to “fix” my fertility.
But here’s what I realized the hard way:
👉 You can willpower your way through a diet.
👉 You cannot willpower your way into nervous system regulation.
👉 You cannot bypass the emotional patterns that run the show behind the scenes.
And most of us — especially the Type A women who are so good at doing the hard stuff — don’t realize we’re operating from default energy: control, fear, perfectionism, lack.
That frequency? It’s not fertile.
The Real Work Happens When No One’s Watching
The shift didn’t happen during my fancy healing sessions. It happened when I started brushing my teeth and not rushing.
When I paused before opening Instagram and checked my thoughts instead.
When I ate lunch without judgment, without multitasking, without spiraling into old stories.
This is the mundane.
This is the magic.
This is coherence.
And it’s why I now teach my clients to stop reaching for the next supplement or modality and instead ask:
🌀 How am I showing up energetically when no one’s watching?
Four Truths I Wish I Knew Sooner
-
Coherence isn't perfection — it's alignment.
Your thoughts, feelings, and actions match the frequency of what you want before it shows up. -
You don’t need more tools.
You need to actually embody what you already know — in micro-moments, every day. -
Reprogramming happens in the hard moments.
Not when things are smooth. But when it’s Tuesday at 3pm and you’re spiraling — that’s when you interrupt the pattern and say, “We don’t live here anymore.” -
The magic is in the mundane.
Healing happens when you brush your teeth, eat lunch, or fold laundry in a different frequency. That’s what changes your reality — and your fertility.
What to Do When You Feel Like You’re Worse Off Than Before
Maybe you’ve worked with every specialist.
Maybe you’re now in the “energetic phase” of your journey and it still feels… stuck.
Maybe you feel even more confused than when you started.
That doesn’t mean it’s not working.
It means it’s time to integrate.
Here’s what I tell my clients:
✨ Pick one mundane moment a day (brushing teeth, driving, washing dishes)
✨ Notice your emotional state and thoughts
✨ Choose to shift — soften, breathe, feel, choose a new narrative
✨ Repeat. Relentlessly.
This is how we train the nervous system.
This is how we shift our frequency.
This is how we actually change our fertility story.
Ready to Step Into Fertile Coherence?
If you’re screaming “I’ve done everything!”
but still stuck in the same patterns — emotionally, physically, spiritually — I want to invite you into something different.
Inside Fertile Energetics, we stop collecting knowledge and start applying it. We practice coherence. We shift subconscious patterns. We take radical responsibility — not just in the big moments, but in how we do life.
Because here’s the truth:
💥 Your body isn’t broken.
💥 You’re not lazy or doing it wrong.
💥 You’re just being called into a deeper version of healing. One that requires you to live what you already know.
And when you do?
That’s when the magic happens.
That’s when the baby comes.
Listen to the full episode here: The Missing Link Between Your Healing Tools & Actual Fertility Breakthrough
Let's Do This Together 💚
Monica
Listen up, lovelies: Everything I share about health, diet, or fertility magic is my opinion. Yep, it’s all based on years of trial and error, study, reading, listening, and side-eyeing the nonsense out there. What worked for me might be a jackpot for you—or it might be a total flop. Bodies are weird like that. 🤷♀️
Let’s get one thing straight: I’m not a doctor, nutritionist, dietitian, or any other kind of licensed health wizard. If you need medical advice, run—don’t walk—to an actual qualified professional. Don’t come back here saying Monique told you to eat kale for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, okay?
As for the products I mention, they’re either what I used during my own infertility rollercoaster or what I wish I’d known about back then. No guarantees, no promises, and absolutely no refunds on your hope budget if it doesn’t work out.
Now that we’ve cleared that up, proceed with curiosity and, above all, discernment. You’ve got this. 💪✨
🌺 Book Your Fertility Breakthrough Session Today
Connect with Monica over on
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Apple || Stitcher || Spotify || Google
Full transcript:
00:00
Hello, beautiful, and welcome to the Finding Fertility podcast.
00:10
I'm Monica, your mentor in uncovering the hidden layers of your fertility journey. Together, we'll discover the right path for you within the six essential steps to creating the family of your dreams. We'll ditch the overwhelm, tune into your intuition, and build a vibrant foundation for your fertility. Whether it's through gut health, subconscious healing, or energetic alignment, you can unlock your body's natural power to get and stay pregnant.
00:37
Your fertility journey is all about radical responsibility and deeply believing that your body is on your side. It's time to stay consistent, embrace trust, surrender, and create the transformation you deserve. Finding fertility does not diagnose, prescribe, or treat any fertility issues. What we do is empower you to take control of your health by uncovering the root causes
01:01
holding you back. Let's do this together. Happy Friday, y'all. Welcome back to another episode of Finding Fertility. I'm your host, Monica Cox, and I am truly honored that you are here with me, becoming the conscious mama you were born to be. This podcast episode is raw and real, so if you are not ready for some hard truths today, please just bookmark this episode. Come back when you are feeling ready to hear the truth.
01:31
because today we are talking about the missing link between your healing tools, all the modalities that you have, all the knowledge that you have and real transformation. You know the work, but are you actually living the work? That is a huge, radical pivot point. And I now see that in my life, the person who I am,
01:57
I have to actually live and embody what I am here to mirror back to you, right? I am your facilitator, maybe teacher, maybe healer, but I like the fact that I am here to show you guys and empower you to take this radical responsibility to do it for yourself. So you are not relying for years.
02:25
on other practitioners who you think have quote unquote more powers, more abilities than you. It is all valid. Reiki, energy healing, shamans, acupuncture, reflexology, all of them. Not necessarily essential to everyone, but very valid, very supportive, can really radically help
02:55
project or like kind of push you into the next version of where you want to go. Vital that you have become your own functional medicine practitioner and you have all the knowledge in the world. But what is missing? It's doing it in the mundane. It's showing up for yourself in everyday life and not waiting for the perfect time.
03:25
to start your healing journey or the next breath work session or your next coaching session. It's showing up for yourself every single day, even if it's just 1 % in a different way. So that can be within your thought pattern, that can be in your actions, that can be in your frequency, but showing up differently, taking that
03:55
Contradictory action to how you were living before and getting better and better and better at it Remember your consistent actions create your evidence. I get it. I know how truly hard it is to surrender during this fertility journey and I can't even really articulate how I did it because I didn't consciously do it I
04:25
Like the truth was, it was so long that like I just got sick of it really. And there was really nothing more at that time that I knew of to do. Obviously my motherhood journey pushed me way deeper down the rabbit hole. But it's funny because I was talking to a client who feels like she's worse off a year ago.
04:54
when she was working with a top functional medicine practitioner, trying to clear SIBO. And, um, then she had to get into the energetic work because of the physical stuff wasn't quote unquote working. And she's like, I just feel like worse. And I had to like, remind her like you're, you're not, you've learned so much this year. Now it's time to get into coherence with what you know.
05:24
and show up both with the physical and the energetic, the emotional stuff in this new reality that you are going to take. And the reason, I mean, it's really simple when you look at it, the reason most people aren't exactly where they want to be or feel like they are worse off is because they're not one.
05:49
taking all the knowledge that they have learned and actually applying it and living it in the mundane. That's one and two together. Those are the two things I want to say. You have to take all that knowledge and you have to apply it and you have to do it every day. Maybe one day is 1%. Maybe the next day you're doing it 25%. Maybe you're 100%. You had a really good day.
06:18
and just knowing that it's going to be, you know, this stuff very up and down because you are dealing with decades of BS of programming of these patterns. And it's not as simple as the tangible stuff, right? You can willpower your way to a certain extent to do the diet, to avoid certain things, to exercise.
06:46
You can't willpower your way into not thinking stupid thoughts. You can only observe those thoughts, recognize them, and then tell yourself you don't live in that story anymore and do it again and again and again. If you don't do that, if you are not taking that radical responsibility, you will get sucked into old patterns.
07:15
This just happened to me, right? Pure surrender with my father's diagnosis, him coming to live with me, me helping him pass through the next life. I took time over Christmas. Surrender, surrender, surrender, right? Like, oh, I made it. A few months later, I was back in the same shitty patterns about self-worth, overdoing, especially in finding fertility.
07:45
and motherhood. And with the radical responsibility, was like, absolutely not. It wasn't really working in the first place, not only like on a business sense financially, but also on a joy sense out of like, I'm doing what I love. I know I'm doing what I love. I know I have found my purpose, my calling, all that motherhood, finding fertility. You know, I've been married 21 years.
08:15
I know it, but what was the frequency behind that stuff still? What was some of the old stuck crappy patterns still that are, I now have a better, uh, like maybe frame of mind, or even I've cleared a bunch of other crap over the last, let's say five years that I'm ready to clear some of the deeper wounds. I'm ready to look for some of the more crappier stuff that
08:44
is still there. So taking that radical responsibility and showing up for myself in the mundane, recognizing that, I'm having a season right now. Okay, I'm going to be graceful with myself. You know, I'm not just living my life. I have kids. I have a husband. We have responsibilities. You know, like I can't just like take myself off to the Buddhist monk and just like, like meditate, right? Like you have to do this stuff.
09:12
If you are choosing to live in this reality and you are going to have to take that radical responsibility to just be the ultimate observer and say, okay, today, yeah, like if I'm judging myself, didn't do that great. But am I going to beat myself up? Absolutely, absolutely not. Because what is that going to get me? That's going to get me into the spiral. That's going to keep me in the stuck patterns.
09:42
No. Okay. What do need to do for myself to change this? And then you do that 1 % thing, right? Whether it's not scrolling, not binge eating at night, not having that drink, not watching TV, and doing something for yourself as simple as going to bed. Like that is self care. So are we showing up for ourselves in the mundane?
10:09
Remember, healing just doesn't happen in our one hour sessions. It happens in how you do life and you don't need more tools. You need to actually embody what you already know in the micro moments. Look at the frequency. Look if there is an emotional pattern, a subconscious belief that is blocking you from achieving.
10:36
It could just be as simple as your nervous system is just so used to the buzz of going that all you have to practice is that when you're missing that buzz that you just sit. Start with one minute and build up to, you know, 20. Just sit with yourself and get silent. Sit on that uncomfortableness. That is retraining your nervous system.
11:03
You know, obviously I love cold plunges. I love the sauna. I love yoga. I love weight training. have one of my best friends is the most amazing reflexologist. I love frequency work. You know, I love all this stuff, but until I started to take that radical responsibility in the mundane, it was slow going. My life was slow going. So that's
11:31
The important part that if you feel like you could teach everything I'm saying to you, you can teach it yourself. You could literally write a book, but you're still not where you want to be emotionally, physically, financially. Remember, the baby is the cherry on the top. You guys know I believe your fertility is an eight. I don't believe that. I know that. What I believe is that you're going to get pregnant when you put in
12:00
the right work for you. Okay, so I'm going to give you four core truths right now. coherence isn't perfection, it's alignment. It's when your thoughts, feelings, and action match the frequency of what you want to create before it shows up. Okay, you need to understand that you do not need any more tools, you need more integration.
12:30
It's all about how you're speaking to yourself during the quote unquote hard times. That's when the reprogramming, that's where it happens that you snap your fingers and you tell yourself, we don't live here anymore. You tell your nervous system and it learns that a new way can be safe when you consistently and checking in.
12:59
being radically honest. Okay. Yes. I know you have done a ton of work. I feel you. I feel like I've done a ton of work too, but being open that there are just other layers and being willing to look and undo those layers with the tools you already have. Okay. So getting radically honest with yourself about the emotions, the subconscious beliefs that are still running the show.
13:29
The shame, the fear, the sadness that I have to do more to get more. If I slow down, everything will fall apart. I'm not doing enough unless I'm suffering. This has to be hard. So remember, for the fourth core truth, the magic is in the mundane. Everything that you have done was necessary. The diet, the lifestyle, the mindset, all the other modalities that you've learned, the ones that you
13:58
don't like, the ones that you do like, all necessary. But now it's time to get to radical responsibility and be the ultimate observer in the mundane. And this is what I show you in Fertile Energetics. And it's also inside Dreams. Dreams is the big course. If you need the physical stuff, that's included in Dreams. Fertile Energetics is for the woman who has done everything.
14:27
and still doesn't feel like she's where she needs to be. I know what that feeling feels like multiple times in my life. So we're not just talking about coherence. We practice it in the embodied action part in your actual life. And then I give you techniques to shift the subconscious, shift the energetics and showing up for yourself.
14:56
again and again and again and again, just like you have done. So we're really shifting away from this autopilot into aligned action. So if you are craving that deeper accountability and you're tired of spinning the wheels, come inside Fertile Energetics. If you are not on the email list, I highly recommend you get on the email list before the 21st. I am running a promotion just inside the email.
15:26
And so if you are ready, if you want that accountability, not more knowledge, not more doing, more accountability, and okay, maybe a little bit more knowledge, just seeing how this stuff is implemented in the mundane. Come join me before July 21st. And before I leave you, and I want to challenge you right now, I want you to pick one mundane moment.
15:55
brushing your teeth, walking to your car, eating lunch and check your frequency. Check how you're feeling. Are you feeling a buzz like I gotta eat quicker, I gotta do quicker, I gotta get back? Are you replaying the same old story in your mind that things don't work out for you, it's so hard, I can't believe I have to eat this lunch again. Check yourself. And how often do you feel that in a day? Because that's the default.
16:24
That's the projection of your life. That's what your nervous system is pumping out. Even though you have all the knowledge in the world, you've done the modalities, you're still running that frequency or frequencies, right? So take a breath, soften, and choose to show up in a different way. Choose to kick yourself out of the narrative that is keeping you stuck.
16:54
All right, my beautiful friend. Thank you for tuning in. I hope this has been dramatically helpful. If you want to go deeper into this, remember, fertile energetics is the place to be. Next week, actually the next two weeks, we're going in with some tough talk yet again. So if you're feeling precious, I know this journey has ups and downs. So if you're in a down, protect yourself. Don't listen to tough love.
17:24
Listen to tough love when you're ready to take that action. But we are, it's actually a very important message next week. We're talking about feeling broken and really not trusting our bodies and the honest truth about what your body is actually doing for you. So tune in if you're in a good spot. If not, make sure to bookmark it, download it, come back when you're ready.
17:54
rooting for you guys every step of the way. I know that I have radically shifted my frequency, my energy. I'm taking off the mask more and more every single day. And I know that sometimes it's really hard to have tough love, but I know when you're at a place to receive it, that it can radically change the whole path that you are on.
18:23
and helping you make it shorter, making it more joyful, loving, less frustrating, use financially cheaper. I'm just here for your big win. And your big win is taking that radical responsibility and understanding how you are the creator of your life in so many different ways and how your body is fighting for you every step of the way.
18:53
So until then, have a beautiful weekend and we'll see you next Friday.
19:23
endless research and you're at a point where you are screaming I have tried everything why isn't this working this only works for women who are ready to take a radical responsibility for their journey and start listening to their body's innate wisdom because deep down you know you can heal and achieve your ultimate goal if that's not you yet that's okay not everyone is ready yet
19:51
to show up with ease, deeply connect to their energy, unlock subconscious patterns, and listen to their body's ability to come into full coherence. But for those who are ready, I'm offering something I only do with my paying clients, and this is a fertility breakthrough session. This is the first thing I do, even before I start.
20:14
really deeply working with someone in a coaching package. It's a deep dive session where we look at exactly where you are right now, what's keeping you stuck, and the easy shifts that can change everything. But fair warning, these sessions are very limited and go fast. So if you're interested in checking out my superpower for uncovering exactly what's been overlooked, jump into one of these free calls.
20:42
They're deep, they're intuitive, and they're game changing. The only way you can access this is if you actually personally message me. You can do it on your favorite platform, IG, TikTok, or at my personal email, monica at findingfertility.co, not .com because they wanted $3,000 for the M with just one word. And that word is dreams, obviously, D-R-E-A-M-S.
21:11
And I'll make sure you get that link right away. Remember, this transformation happens when you stay committed to yourself. Trust your body, follow your intuition, make it possible. The links that you need are down below. And if you are still here and you absolutely love this podcast, please take some time and leave me a review and help other women like you find this podcast to get the support they need. Help a sister out. Leave a review today.
